Tuesday, March 5, 2024

How to open a garbage bag

 

For years I never bought a garbage bag. I simply re used the plastic bags I got from the store. These bags also could be used for my work lunches. Now, with the environmental policy in New Jersey forbidding supermarkets from giving out these things I have to buy garbage bags. 

To solve the problem of work lunch bags I retired. Easy peasy. My problem is that I have trouble opening up the store bought garbage bags. By putting a small piece of tape on each side of the recalcitrant bag and pulling, I can now open the garbage bags. 

Friday, March 1, 2024

Far From Heaven

 


Recently I watched Far From Heaven on Turner Classic Movies. It brought back memories of the time they spent a week filming the art gallery scene at the Bloomfield Public Library (for a three minute scene). At the time I didn't know Todd Haynes, Julianne Moore, Viola Davis or even Dennis Haysbert from Adam. Still it was exciting when the library director said the library had been offered a nice sum of money and new ceiling lights in the reference area in exchange for allowing them to film in the library. Actually, I was not supposed to be there at all as I had long planned a trip to Scandinavia and whenever the library director asked me a question I would say, "I'm sorry but I'll be in Copenhagen".  

I did disconnect the public Internet computers and safely stored them but I was gone on the day the film crew arrived. Coming home after my trip I first noticed something unexpected on the windowsill. It was a six-foot-long submarine sandwich with the label of a 9th Avenue shop. Oh yes, I was reminded, "must be from the film crew".

I went out to lunch and coming back I walked behind two ladies and overheard them. One lady asked, "Where have you been?"

The other lady replied, "I had to take care of a few things. I'm pregnant."
The first lady said, "Congratulations!"  The second lady was Julianne Moore. The filming had been delayed because their lead had maternity issues. 

From the harried maintenance man I learned that Julianne Moore only drank coffee from Starbucks and he had the job of keeping her and the crew supplied with coffee from the Montclair store on Bloomfield Avenue.  

There was this man seated who spoke in a very soft voice. That man was Todd Haynes. Once we were scolded because we were talking too loud, presumably from the esteemed director. The library was kept open at this time and I sat at the reference desk. One actress put her pocketbook on the desk and I warned her the desk was not secure. "Don't put anything on this desk or it might be stolen," I admonished. 

The sound man complained that he could detect a hum. This did not stop production. After the crew had left I noticed that the microfilm printer had been left on, probably accounting for the hum. 

On the penultimate day, the library director whispered to me that a few of us could watch them film a scene from the balcony. We sat up there quiet as mice.  

On the last day, as a reward for our cooperation, the staff of the library was invited to a lunch at a nearby church where we ate the leftovers from the crew. All the California and New York cars left the area. Life was returning to normal.

Early the next morning, before 9am, I reconnected all the Internet computers so the public could have at em when the day began. A workman from the town asked me if I was getting overtime. "Yes I'm getting overtime, Chinese overtime." 

Editor's note: The orange orb is a lamp filter which the crew threw out and I retrieved. My souvenir from Far From Heaven. 

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Lent

 

It started with the mite boxes. The Sunday before the start of lent the nun gave every kid in Sunday school a little container where you were supposed to put dimes in from your allowance. Then on Easter the mite box, full of dimes, was supposed to be turned into the collection box at church. On Ash Wednesday you were supposed to go to church after school to get ashes. When I was young, the priest put this ugly circle of ash on your forehead. Nowadays they have a gizmo that puts a black cross above your eyes. 

For a kid, the biggest thing was that you had to give up something for lent. You knew your father would want to know what you gave up.  It should appear to be significant. It couldn't be something too easy but then again you wouldn't want it to be too hard. If you hated garlic you couldn't give up garlic for lent. Then again you didn't want to do something too painful like giving up listening to rock and roll. Ideally, it would be something that seemed like a sacrifice but really wasn't. For example with my poor record on cavities Mother had banned chocolate from the house. Hence giving up chocolate would be an easy choice. As an adult giving up hanging out in bars would be too painful but perhaps giving up artichokes or eggplant would be a better choice.  

The nice part about lent is that you could go back to your evil ways on Sundays and on Holy Saturday at noon. This did make Easter a more significant day since you could go back to gorging yourself on chocolate or artichokes again. Lent shows us how much we can enjoy things after having denied ourselves. Like shore leave or having pizza and beer after a blood test we are happy to again enjoy the evil pleasures of life. 

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Witty traffic signs




 Driving on New Jersey interstates and the Turnpike, I notice that there are witty highway signs. It reminds me of when I was a tot and we read the Burma Shave signs out loud in the family Fairlane. 

They don't really bother me but I can see that they are a distraction. While trying to read the sign and perhaps "get" the joke a cat could run out on the road, unnoticed until too late. Apparently, the federal highway administration is none too pleased. 


Monday, January 15, 2024

It's supposed to snow tomorrow

 

After a year without snow of any sort there is a special excitement in the air today. The store is overloaded with people, banging into each other's carts or blocking traffic with a horizontal cart in the vegetable section. I have located my snow shovel and found my heavy-duty gloves. Turns out the heavy-duty gloves, after seeing many hours of combat, have a scar that I neatly mended with duct tape. 


The news outlets are having a field day. Since Saturday we have been inundated with news about the upcoming snow event. I told the cashier at the liquor store (I had to stock up for the emergency) that I hope we don't get too much snow. "Oh crabapples, it's not going to snow, they're only trying to scare us!"

Perhaps we are exaggerating the upcoming storm. Still, it's exhilarating to think that tomorrow I'll be wearing those gloves and shoveling out the Honda along with the other neighbors. Not as much fun as being a kid who gets the day off school. No, I'm not wearing my pajamas backwards. 



Saturday, December 30, 2023

Saying goodbye to the holidays

 

Now it's time to start throwing out Christmas effluvia. As well as finding space on my limited table tops and cabinets for my new possessions. As a kid I remember taking down the Christmas tree while singing Christmas carols backwards. Anyhoo, here is a link to a stirring and moving poem I wrote about the end of the season

Friday, December 29, 2023

How will 2024 work out

A year ago, I prognosticated a moderate increase in the market. I was far too pessimistic compared to what actually happened.  

My predictions for December 31, 2023:

Dow Jones           36000
S and P                4500
NASDAQ           10800
Unemployed         5%
Microsoft             300
Texas Crude Oil    90
CPI                       5%

Here are the end of year numbers for 2023:

Dow Jones           37690
S and P                4770
NASDAQ           15011
Unemployed         3.7%
Microsoft             376
Texas Crude Oil    71.32
CPI                       3.1%

Here are my predictions for the end of year 2024:

Dow Jones           40000
S and P                4850
NASDAQ           17800
Unemployed         5%
Microsoft             400
Texas Crude Oil    90
CPI                       3%
Recommendation: Small cap mutual funds 

In 2024 the Eagles will get killed off in the playoffs, Biden will be re-elected, the media will tire of AI but reference librarians will be nervous about their jobs. Russia will sign a treaty giving them Crimea and some land in eastern Ukraine, but NATO type troops will sit at the hard border guaranteeing most of that country relative security.