The eyes on the prize

Cities and states are fighting over the chance to be the location of an Amazon headquarters. New Jersey has just offered seven billion dollars. Every state wants the prize of being Amazon east. Apparently it will bring in lots of high paying jobs and states are willing to put in big incentives.

I propose the Florida Everglades as the next location for Amazon. It is scenic, has lots of snakes and alligators, and would offer the executives lots of culinary options. Instead of a huge building, I would propose the building of hundreds of tree houses, which could serve as work units. There would be plenty of cougars and snakes, which should provide the millenials with cultural diversion. They could build a high speed rail line to Miami so people could hit the clubs on weekends. Taxes are low in Florida and you could take down the tree houses in case of a hurricane.

In this modernistic but also retro office complex, executives could swing from tree to tree to go to meetings. This would provide Amazon with a creative new way for staff to interact. Of course there might be some environmental concern with building in the Everglades  but as they say, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

I'm part Norwegian and part South Asian

I recently heard from my nephew. He got his results back from Ancestry.com. He found out he was mostly British and Scandinavian and 2% Jew. Coincidentally I just sent in my saliva to 23 and me (they advertise it on YouTube) and am eagerly awaiting my results. Mother always said we were part Native American. Nothing of that nature showed up in my nephews results. We'll see how I do, a little closer to the source.

I guess it's just good clean fun. Like anything, people will want to take advantage of things. My nephew will want to take Ros Hosanna off now. Students who discover they are 4% of something will want to apply for scholarships for that group now.

It could also be a way to assuage white guilt. "I'm 2 % hispanic and I never applied for Affirmative action!" I'm 4 % black and I was never stopped by a cop for "driving while black!" or "I can't be racist, I'm 2% East Indian!" "No wonder I'm oversexed. I'm part neanderthal."

Editor's note: Finally got my report. My father was not all Italian but was also French and German. Contrary to what my mother said, I have no Native American blood. Apparently Grandpa Taylor was part hispanic. I am less than average Neanderthal.