Morning television

The other day I was sitting in the dentist chair waiting to have my teeth drilled. It was early and I was staring in terror at the TV screen watching Good Morning America. I guess it was supposed to anesthetize me but it had the opposite effect. I can't believe it, everybody is so happy! Everybody is so hyped up and the audience is screaming with delight. The public in Times Square looked like a group of methedrine users topping off their highs with coffee and sugar donuts. And all the bright primary colors.

Later, home I turned on the TV and there was Rachel Ray. Again, everybody is smiling and so happy. The audience is cheering with bliss. I guess they must get free pastries. Next week she is premiering smell o vision and giving out smell cards. I would have missed that fact had I been at work.

Next I watched the View. This was a downer after the other shows. Barbara Walters was bitching about Lindsay Lohan turning her down for an interview. After Barbara had a notebook full of notes. The audience cheered at the notebook. At least the View panelists are almost like real people. Real hung over people.

Finally I turned on the news. The big story was the Petraeus sex scandal. America loves sex scandals. And apparently there are reams of incriminating e mails. I keep my incriminating e mails stored on a cd rom. If I ever need to turn them over I'll be ready.