The $1500 frozen pizza

It was a rainy afternoon and I had been driving all day and I felt like a beer. I drove into a friendly looking bar and ordered a brew. Next to me was an older man with a golf hat on and a smile to his face. He looked at me and said, "The last frozen pizza I made cost me $1500."

I suspected I was about to hear a story. I turned off my cellphone, sipped my beer and said, "Really, how did that come to be?"

"I was a chilly night and I was too lazy to cook. Instead I took a frozen pizza out of the fridge and put it in the oven. My oven only has a top burner because the bottom one is broke. I turned it on and to my surprise, for the first time in years both burners worked and the oven got nice and toasty.

" After ten minutes I could smell the pizza but I hear a sort of sizzling sound. I opened the oven and it was full of black smoke. The pizza was done but apparently, so was the oven.

"I went to PC Richards and picked out a Samsung oven that would match my TV and cell phone. The lady said, "we'll install the oven if it has a plug.

" My set up is the old fashioned kind that has a wire going from the oven to the wall.

"Sorry, but you need a 40 amp plug. Call an electrician and have him put in a wall plug and I'll order the oven.

"The electrician came and said he could install a plug on the back wall but only if I got rid of the old oven first, since he needed the area to work. I went onto Nextdoor and found a guy who hauled old electronic equipment. He was an organic farmer and hauled stuff with his son and truck for extra income. He was late coming over because his pet turtle escaped and he had to find him.

"The electrician came back and put in the new wall plug, but let it loose against the wall. When the PC Richards guy came he drove a hole in the wall and put the plug there, giving me an extra two inches of space so the oven could go flush against the wall.

"Finally I had a new oven with timer gizmos, a convection oven, a warming tray and other stuff I don't know how to use. The oven heated up the place so much I needed to turn on the air conditioner. That's when I noticed the air conditioner didn't work.

"I changed the battery in the thermostat but I still got no results when I turned on the fan, the air or the heat. Finally I called the air conditioning guy."

My new friend sipped his beer and the bartender winked at me. "He's been telling that story all week. Anyway I make better pizza here than he can make at home."

"Anyhow" the storyteller continued, "the air conditioning guys checked the thermostat and found out  it wasn't  getting any power. They checked the air handler and found out it wasn't getting any power either. They monkeyed around with my fuse box. Finally there was an a - ha moment. The switch in the air handler was frozen. Apparently when I first shorted out the oven, it blew the fuse in the air handler and burned the switch.

"The air conditioning guys charged me two hundred and fifty dollars for the service call." The cost of that, the hauler, the electrician and the oven cost me fifteen hundred dollars."

"So, after all that, how was the pizza?" I asked.

"I over cooked it. I guess I got to get used to the new oven."

I finished my beer and got ready to leave. By now the bar was filling up and so was the highway.

Editor's note: Now that I reconciled my checking account I see that they only charged me $150 for fixing the air handler.