Halloween: should I go to a party or a bar?

 

As we approach Halloween, we again have to make the big decision. Should we go to such and such's house or the local tavern to show off our costumes. Last year we didn't have to make this decision but it looks like things are returning to normal, more or less. 

Who do you want to see?

The regulars at the bar or the usual guests at the house party will probably be there. It sort of depends upon who you would like to avoid. 

Ease of entry:

The bar is easier since you only need to wear a non offensive costume and bring cash. For the house party you can be a little more creative in costumes but you are expected to bring food (preferably prepared at home) and beer or booze. 

Spending the night.:

Unless you are in Europe you probably won't be able to spend the night in a room above the bar. 

Music:

You can bring cd's or at least have some say on what is played at a house party. Of course if the bar has a jukebox and you have quarters, you can have a say also. 

Access to booze:

Generally easier at a house party once you figure out where it is kept. At a bar you have to catch the harried bartender's attention. 

At midnight:

You will find yourself sitting at your host's kitchen table while old friends talk about high school. At the bar you will end up watching Saturday Night Live without the sound on the bar tv. 

Going home:

In both situations it is easier to make an Irish exit. Don't forget to pay your tab and tip the bartender. 

No Santa Claus this year

For multiple reasons involving shipping delays, over crowded ports, truck driver shortages, Chinese tariffs and a host of other political and covid related events, it is possible that we may experience a dearth of presents under our trees this December. We may experience a season where dear old Santa Claus is missing or at least on a sabbatical. 

We can say good-bye to Christmas this year. No new toys, Windows 11 compatible computers, the latest toys and gadgets all tied up in barges off the coast of Los Angeles. We will instead, have to rely on Mother's cookies, old sweaters from the second hand shop and dusty books bought at the used book store for presents. Santa will be nowhere to be found, the reindeer have no feed and the sled needs a silicon chip to run. 

The making of a curmudgeon

 

Today we are going to turn our attention to the modern day curmudgeon. Typically a retired man living in a comfortable home but idle. No longer having to go to work and often abandoned by wives and offspring, at least during the day, he notices little things about the neighborhood and becomes aggravated. In the past he was at work from dawn to dusk and had his kids and wives  to keep him occupied, but now he is alone and sees things that he never noticed before.

One thing he notices is construction projects in the neighborhood. "Oh great", noting they are putting in a new sidewalk. He reads a memo in his mail slot asking him to avoid parking in front of his house. "Well, it will only be for a few days," he ruminates. Trucks, cranes, cement trucks fill the neighborhoods. Then the following day, the job maybe a quarter done, all the trucks are gone. A beautiful day but no crew. The next day, the same. Thursday it is threatening rain and it starts to sprinkle in the afternoon. The trucks all show up and the crew has to hustle to get the work done before the rain. "Oh why couldn't they have finished the job when the weather was nice?" cries the man, now inching towards becoming a curmudgeon. 

For years young men have been tearing through the neighborhood on their motorcycles. He never noticed them because he was always at work. Now he is home and is infuriated by the sound of unmuffled motorcycle engines. 

Children he never knew existed suddenly appear in the neighborhood in the afternoon. Basketballs bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. "Why do they have to play in front of my house?" he asks. Another step on the slippery road to curmudgeondom. And he was such a nice guy when he was at work all day. 

Observations on the two types of children

 

There are two basic types of children. Middle class and working class. I can observe both types now that I am in my dotage and have time to watch the behavior of both of the sub-species of juveniles in the United States. 

The first type is the middle class child. This child is rarely sighted in most neighborhoods unless you watch very closely. At 7:30 in the morning they can be observed leaving their front doors and scampering into their parents cars. They are then whisked away only to return in the late afternoon or early evening. Then they can be quickly observed leaving the cars and entering the homes, with Mom in tow. Such children are never seen on the sidewalks with the exception of snow days. 

Working class kids can be seen and heard throughout the day. They are bicycling around the neighborhood. They play ball in the little field where people walk their dogs. If in their teens they can be heard into the night playing hip hop music on their portable music players. 

Apparently middle class children live inside of a bubble, never far from the watchful eyes of parents and other adults during school, dance classes and playdates. Unfortunately, the real world intrudes on these kids too, thanks to the Internet. 

Is there a men's underpant shortage?

I first noticed when I was at the Shop-Rite that they no longer sold bags of Fruit of the Loom men's "briefs". "That's funny", I said,  "I'll have to try the dollar store next door". Nope they didn't have any either. 

When I was at Kohl's I noticed they had the expensive multi colored jockey shorts but no plain bags of Haine's or Fruit of  the loom men's "briefs" either. The next week I was in Big Buys and also noticed they had no men's undergarments at all. 

I seem to be detecting a pattern here. I may have to go to Amazon to buy underpants. Maybe it's just me but I can't find any underwear in the stores.

Editor's note: As the days get shorter and memories of high school football games come to the fore, here is a story about my first encounter with a public drunk. On my sister blog, the Sixties.