Christmas letters

Recently a friend asked me for advice in writing a Christmas letter. Truth to be told, a really effective author should have successful children and take exotic vacations. One should plan one's life in young adulthood with the goal of one day being able to write a Christmas letter. A well written letter goes...

Well, here it is, another year. Back from Hawaii we opened up the shutters and saw snow falling outside of the boathouse and decided to share with you the joys of the year. 

Calvin is a partner now in the firm of Menagerie and Finch and now has three children warming the cradle. His lovely wife Anna is now in her third year of grad school at Villanova and is working on her dissertation on plant molecular isotopes. Cathy is back from her stint in Africa at the Oprah school. She hopes to get her degree in obstetrics this year from NYU. Her husband is now an assistant producer on CNN and got to visit her in Africa. Jane is an intern in Washington. We hope the Senator gives here a good recommendation because she is planning to go to the Kennedy School of Public Affairs this spring........

Here is the Christmas letter I am working on. Prudence being the better part of valor, I have not sent it out.

Another year and another Christmas season. I don't get out much these days. Occasionally an old friend dies and I get to go to a wake, but that is about it. The repairman said my washing machine is too far along to be fixed, so I should get used to the noise it makes and plan on buying a new one when it finally peters out. I am up to four prescriptions now, the pharmacy will give me a free colonoscopy if I sign up for a fifth.

Feeling I might be lonely this holiday, my friend is lending me her fish, Ulysses, for keeping this holiday till she gets back from Tahiti. She promised it won't be too much trouble as long as I keep my finger out of the bowl. I had some nice plants but the flowers all fell off and probably won't come back til Spring. Except for the Christmas cactus that is blooming now.....

At any rate, Happy Kringles!

Ugly Christmas sweaters

One term I keep hearing this December is "ugly Christmas sweaters". As far as I can remember someone, usually female, has shown up at work or at a holiday party wearing one of those things. Now, I have been told,  they are suddenly hip. In the Macon Georgia Baptist Woman's League they have Ugly Christmas Sweater parties. Do they  really have them in artsy hangouts in Brooklyn? Personally I think that if you came to an actual  hipster party wearing one of those you would be scorned upon. Probably they were hip last year but not now.

I wish I had an ugly Christmas sweater. Socks I have, ties I have, but not
sweaters.

Editor's note: I finally have an ugly Christmas sweater, well at least an ugly Christmas vest. There is a nice piece on the genre on Slate. 12/12/14

Best states for education and business

Education Week has released it's annual guide to the best states in education. Earlier this year Forbes released its list for best states for business.

It's interesting to compare the two articles. States with low taxes, cheap labor and low teacher salaries are considered to be good for business and states with high teacher salaries are usually states that are bad for business.

Why?  Perhaps its because you are stuck in states with their infrastructure, energy costs, labor and environmental laws but you can always import workers from other states or abroad.

Christmas gets earlier this year

I notice Christmas came real early this year. Once Halloween was over, the Santa's and decorations came up in the stores. This weekend are the big Christmas parties and the tv stations are full of Christmas fare. I guess by December 15 it will all be over. By late December Christmas will be replaced by Valentine's Day decorations.

Other people's albums

Last night I came home from the bar (sounds so much better than I came home from work) and there, on my front doorstep, was a package from Texas. Since my birthday is coming up I figured it must be related to that event. I have always greeted packages from distant relatives with some trepidation because they don't really know what I need or my taste in things. For years I was punished with boxes of Hickory Farms meats for a remark I made to my brother many years before. I was simply passing along the comment Mother had made that Hickory Farms was bad for her blood pressure and after that he sent me Hickory Farms packages in the mail every year.

Now with my brother in the great engineering conference in Heaven, I have received some of his old albums. I guess I am the only one in the family who still can play those things. Some of them are not bad. I haven't heard "Cassius Love vs. Sonny Wilson" in forty years since I played my brother's copy of Shut Down Volume 2 when he was home from college.  You do wonder though about other people's taste. Why Ian an Sylvia? The From Russian with Love soundtrack? 18 Yellow Roses by Bobby Darin? What was he thinking?

Still I now have Peter Paul and Mary's Greatest hits and some classical things. You can tell by the amount of scratches in a record whether it was played or not.You can't say that about cd's. Now that it's almost December, it's time to sit around, crank up the old turntable, and play albums.

Editor's note: Speaking of turntables, I've found a new music related blog that isn't bad.

My insect friend

I attempt to grow something edible on my porch every summer and one of the unwelcome side effects of this hobby is that come fall, one of the tomato bugs always manages to sneak into the condo. When I first see my new roommate, I am always a bit startled, but I have learned to accept having a fall companion  for a few weeks. The insect seems to like some tv shows more than others. I know he always seems to appear when I am watching Turner Classic Movies.

As the days get colder he becomes slower and slower in his movements. Still, this year he did not die of natural causes. I guess I am not what you would call a morning person and he got me at the wrong time. I was in a hurry to get ready for work and was bolting down my coffee when I spotted him on my kitchen chair. I marched over to the bathroom and got some Green Works Natural bathroom cleaner and sprayed it on his backside.

The following Saturday I swept him up when I was cleaning the kitchen floor. He caught me when I was in a bad mood. Just goes to show you can't trust people.


Editor's note: Patti Smith on Lou Reed.

Of apples and cider

Yesterday I ate the best apple I have eaten in twenty years. It was a Winesap apple that I bought at the Capital City Farmer's Market in beautiful downtown Trenton. Hard, crisp, a little sour. How about them apples.

It made me a little nostalgic for when the family would take its annual jaunt up to Tice Farms. We would get into the Ford, and drive through Upper Saddle River while Mother would gawk at all the houses she couldn't afford to live in. Then we'd get to Tice Farms. I remember you could buy a cup for a dime and drink all the cider you wanted. Some years me and my brother would share a cup, which was frowned upon. Then the old man would buy Winesap and Macintosh apples, more cider and maybe a pumpkin.

Tice Farms is now long gone, a victim of Bergen County real estate speculators. Upper Saddle River is still there and even more expensive today.