2021 Predictions

 

Now it is time to look back at this historic year and contemplate the future. The pandemic was completely unpredicted, but the market behaved in ways that, except for some scary moments in the spring, maintained the holdings of those lucky enough to stay invested. 

Entity:              Dec. 31, 2020      My prediction from a year ago:

Dow Jones               30606             30000
S and P                      3756               3500
NAS                           12888              9100
Oil                              48.42               70
Unemployed             6.7%               4.5%
Microsoft                  222.42               170

When you take all into consideration, the market did quite well. As usual, I underestimated things. I do give myself credit for predicting Biden as the next president.  Not a good year for the little guy, though. 

My predictions for Dec. 31, 2021:

Dow Jones         31000

S and P               3900

NASDAQ           15000

Oil                      60    

Unemployed        5.5%

Microsoft            240

My prediction is for a return to normalcy. Biden will be a disappointment, but  he can't walk on water. Jalen Hurts will turn out to be popular quarterback for the Eagles and he will obtain a wild card for the team, but the team will lose its first playoff game. Next year interest rates will remain low and we will continue to buy most of our goods from China. The suburbs will gain value in real estate terms but the cities will struggle from lost revenues. Murphy will be re-elected Governor of New Jersey. 

Entering the Apple universe

 

Like many of us, mid December I started getting packages from Amazon. Some of them I opened, but one or two had warnings of "Do not open before Christmas". These I opened on the 23rd of December, close enough. 

I got the usual run of shirts, pajamas, toilet bowl lighters, and wool balls to make my laundry static free. Then I opened a large box. Ho! I got an Apple I pad!

Thus, jarringly, I was setting foot in a universe I have not explored since I had to maintain Macintoshes in the children's library in the 90s. I was entering a new world. A world, perhaps no stranger than the world of Linux, but a new world nonetheless. 

First I was told that my wireless connection had "weak security". Apparently I was supposed to have a wpa3 connection instead of the cable connection I had. However, after a few trials I was able to get online and even signed up for a free year of Apple TV. 

Using an I Pad is sort of like being in Singapore. Things run very efficiently but the rules are different in ways that may not be apparent. You can not just log onto the Internet. You need an app to run Google. You need a special app to run Facebook. You need an app to run YouTube. I did have a Face time conversation with my nephew in Texas. He now has a beard. 

I was waiting for the demand for payment to kick in. So far I have satisfied them that I have a PayPal account and have yet to buy anything. I am not cheap but once, when visiting Japan, I commented that the prices in Tokyo were not too bad. My host commented, "Sure, but you never buy anything!"

A Christmas Story

 I was going on a night hike through one of the towns in New Jersey that is known for its Christmas house displays. My ears detected in the back row two damsels discussing how much they enjoyed the Christmas story with its bee bee guns and other adventures. I started to talk about how that program is based on a short story by Jean Shepherd. None of the group ever heard of Jean Shepherd. I started talking about him but was interrupted by glees of delight upon coming upon a decorated reindeer. 

I started listening to the Jean Shepherd radio shows when I was about thirteen. The shows are available, sporadically, on the Internet, including YouTube. Here is Jean S. reading the story from which the tv show is based. 

Here is an old blog I wrote about him. 

Georgia on our minds

 According to the Associated Press, we can expect to see $500 million dollars spent on the upcoming Georgia senate race. This money will be directed at the 7.2 million registered voters, 4.9 million who voted in November of this year. That's approximately one hundred dollars per vote. 

Of course the fair citizens of Georgia have had thrusted upon them the fate of the country because a Democratic sweep could put them in charge of the all important Senate. Otherwise we can only expect a paltry part of Biden's programs will become law. 

I can imagine myself in a discount shoe store in South Atlanta looking at Oxfords when a man comes up to me and offers me a hundred dollars to vote a certain way. The fate of the country is important but a hundred dollars could buy a lot of Christmas presents. 

Rather than accosting people while they are shopping, the public of the Peach state is hearing campaign adds on the radio, tv, and other forms of media from the time they wake up to the time they retire at night. Not to mention the robocalls. 

Although they don't want to sound like they are discouraging voting, I'm sure many Democrats wouldn't mind if their Republican counterparts would be so mad at the presidential results they refuse to vote at all. Of course every cloud has a silver lining. In times to come I predict we will see a  major overhaul of Hartsfield Airport with new found federal money.  

Piers Morgan

One of the advantages (or disadvantages) that people in the UK have over those of us in the USA (in addition to better pubs) is that every morning they have the opportunity to wake up to Good Morning Britain. There they get their blood going with the opinions and tirades of Piers Morgan. 

Today, thanks to You Tube, Good Morning Britain is now available in the good olde USA. Now Americans can get in on the fun. Watching the show I have learned lots of things I never knew about Meghan and Harry. Apparently they are going to do a reality show on Netflix. Nothing official yet, but Piers said so, so it must be true. 

Editor's note: If you watch closely, when Piers moves his hand it goes out of the screen. Apparently he really is not sitting next to Susanna Reid because they are socially distanced?

Schools vs bars

 

As we enter the next phase of covid 19, in many states the schools are being closed again and on-line education has resumed. To the consternation of many, however, bars in most states have remained opened. Perhaps with the caveat that people are drinking in tents outdoors or in cute little tables near the bar.

You hear the cries.  "Why is  a man's right to get sloshed in a bar more important that the right of my child to go to school?" Like many things, the income that states derive from sales tax make the states reluctant to close profit making institutions, especially with no federal money forthcoming. A dollar is a dollar. 

Perhaps a compromise is in order. Children could be allowed to go to bars.  There they could be instructed by the waitresses on history and English. For math they could be taught by the bartender. He could demonstrate, for example, how much vermouth goes into a Martini and then ask how many ounces of vermouth would be needed to serve four customers. Perhaps alcohol units in liquor could be converted to proof levels. The speed that ice melts in a glass could be used to demonstrate the laws of physics. Pool can demonstrate Newton's principles. 

A day at the bar could be an educational experience for the children.  Talking to bar customers would be useful for them. It would teach them about life. They could see Trump voters firsthand. They could be taught conspiracy theories. There are many things that all of us, young and old, can learn from hanging out in bars.  When the kids get older and look back on these times they can say, "I learned more sitting in a bar than I ever learned in a classroom."

The wicked witch is dead

Yes those of us who live in Munchkinland are rejoicing that it looks like the wicked witch is dead. Yes the Trump presidency is coming to an ignoble end.  

Unfortunately for the Democrats, the battle has already begun for the future control of the party. As predictable as farting after too many tacos, the left wing has declared the party ran a campaign too afraid of alienating conservative mid westerners. Meanwhile the main stream of the party is starting to argue that the acquiescence to the demands of men with bullhorns demanding to defund the police killed the hopes of many potential Democratic Senators and Congressman. 

Since this is obstensibly a blog about the economy, we are looking at a Biden presidency. He will not do the weird things that Trump did but where a Republican Senate will stop him from doing anything that disrupts the status quo on taxes or government programs. 

It should be good for the stock market. As the old song goes, "the rich get richer and the poor have babies". 

I'm going to miss all my email friends after the election

 

This year I donated to the Democratic Party. I did it in response to an email. As my reward, every day I get about ten emails from people wanting more where that came from. I think I have gotten more email from Nancy Pelosi than anyone I have ever known. 

Over the months I have developed close pen pal relationships with Chuck Schumer, Barack and Michele Obama, Carole King, Sara Gideon, Mark Kelly, Stacy Abrams, Amy McGrath, Jaime Harrison, Pete Buttigieg, Adam Schiff, "Kati", "Scott", and Joe Biden (he put "Here's the deal" in the subject line).

I am afraid that after the election all of my new friends will have abandoned me. Like being hounded by an aggressive student bucking for a A who forgets the teacher completely after the grades are in, I am afraid of being forgotten. No longer being prodded for money I'm afraid I will feel useless and unwanted. Fair weather friends will no longer need me. 

Well maybe not. Some of them will need to pay off their creditors. 

Oh we have to reset the clocks again

 

Yuck, its non daylight savings time again. I have to run around the house setting the clocks back. Luckily the trick or treaters got to go out with an extra hour of sunlight this year because non daylight savings time begins on November 1.

Lots of computerized items did it for me. The computers, the cell phones, the Echo, the TV, even my Fitbit watch did that little procedure automatically. The old fashioned clocks had to be set manually. For these I had to find that little dial in the back and run it backwards. For years the atomic clock set itself automatically with the US Bureau of Standards in Boulder Colorado. I remember facing the clock towards the West to hasten it along. Nowadays it seems to have lost its connection and I have to push the set button and push the hour button. Same goes for the car clock and the oven clock.

I spent the most time setting the Beesy watch. This watch I bought as a backup for the Fitbit watch. You are supposed to set it with your cell phone but hours of trying have never been successful. I found the manual for the watch and figured out there is an old fashioned alternative that works for me. You have to bush the mode button, then hold the reset button for three seconds then push the start button to go to the correct hour. I also managed to move it from 24 hour to 12 hour mode. Hurray!

At my old job someone was cleaning out his office and he gave me an old 80s vintage clock radio. Setting the clock is tricky because you have to push the right buttons in back. You can do a fast forward or a slow forward. To get AM time you want the time without the dot next to it (which indicated PM). 

This morning the guy on the radio reminded me that now is a good time to change the battery on my smoke detector. I may be cheap but I figure why change a battery that is still good. Unless you are interested in selling batteries. 

For someone who is retired and doesn't have to be at work at a certain time I have a lot of clocks. At least now they are running on non daylight savings time. Brighter in the morning but an early dusk. 

A rainy day during Covid

It's supposed to rain all day and I am stuck at home. So far,  I've been looking at Youtube. My latest find is about thirty days on antidepressants. Oh that couple that used to travel in Europe is working on their van. 

Turn on the tv.  Drew Barrymore is showing pumpkin recipes. Never a good idea when a talk show starts doing cooking segments. It usually means they're stretching to kill time. The next day Drew is dressed like the good witch of the East. Over the top. 

Netflix is showing the Queen's Gambit. Not bad, even if you don't know anything about chess. I love it in movies when the characters drink bottles of beer and don't burp. 

Every other commercial on tv is for a political candidate. I love political advertising. Myself, like most people, already voted. Today it's supposed to clear out so I can go shopping. Time to buy Halloween candy. 

Never put anything in writing

 In a previous life I was a big shot in a local public library. We had a new young director who wrote a rather complicated memo on weekend parking. I wittily wrote a satire on the memo and passed it around the staff. Said director saw the memo. She complimented me on my wit but said I should be careful in the future about putting satires of library policy in writing. A snide remark in the breakroom is fine but putting things in writing can lead to a fall. 

This takes us to the North Carolina Senate race. Apparently the married Democratic opponent sent out some flirtatious texts that found its way to the front pages of a North Carolina newspaper. Never a good idea. Politicians also need to be wary of cell phones that can turn into cameras. Candidates for public office and office wits should know better. 

I just voted

The day after watching the stimulating and erudite Presidential Debate I got a mail-in ballot. I voted that way in the primary election so I sort of knew what to do. I'm trusting enough to return it in my local blue box so the process should be finished by tomorrow.

I can sort of see why Trump is so opposed to mail-in votes. After last night's dismal debate I can see that the last thing he needs is for voters to vote today. There's always the chance that in the next five weeks Biden could be shown to have children out of wedlock or the New York Times could be shown to have printed a fraudulent tax form for our president. Unlikely, but possible. 

Ballots are interesting, especially for down ballot issues. I noticed that there were four people running for three slots on the Board of Education. I looked up the candidates on the Internet and noticed one of them led two Girl Scout troops. In a moment of petulance, I didn't vote for her. 

My final question was should I vote for xxx the Barber. What an intriguing name. He is running as an independent for town council. Looking him up on the web I saw that he has run for Senate and Congress and now was reduced to running for a local position. He has a long beard and probably could use someone in his esteemed profession to clean up his sideboards. If he stood for something like legalizing cocaine or giving the votes to housepets I might have voted for him. Unfortunately his only issue seems to be term limits. 

New Jersey also has a ballot question on legalizing marijuana. I suppose the state needs the revenue. 

Appreciating 2020

 Like 1929, 1967 or 2001, we are living in a year that will long be remembered in history. Yesterday the sky outside was white and I heard that it was because the smoke from Oregon had found its way to New Jersey. How unique to have white sky. 

Today I was driving around and I noticed how many circus tents were sitting next door to the parking lots of bars and grills. I thought nothing of it until I described the scene to a friend living overseas and he was struck by how weird the scene seemed to him. We take for granted the outdoor dining of our favorite haunts. Indoor dining is now legal in the state, however, so I am starting to appreciate what may be the waning days of tent dining in New Jersey. 

Let's not  even get started on the upcoming presidential election. Ad astra per aspera.

A bartender with a heavy hand

 

When I was home from college one summer I announced to the folks that a few buddies and I were going to New Milford for an evening out. My father was curious and asked, "What's in New Milford?" I said we were going to a bar where the bartender had a heavy hand. 

Apparently the thought made my father nostalgic for his Army days. "When we were on leave we would travel to a place way up the road to find a bartender with a heavy hand. It's always good to find a bartender who knows how to pour a drink."

Many years later I was driving in New Mexico and saw a sign as I entered a small town saying, "Welcome, our bartenders have heavy hands". 

Today, though, I was sitting under a circus tent and the drinks came out in tiny plastic cups. No room there for a bartender with a heavy hand. I can't wait til they come out with a vaccine. 

Southern Gothic

                        

Teenage bounty hunters is my latest discovery on Netflix. It is an adventure/comedy that coalesces around the major subtexts of Southern literature. It combines oversexed teenagers, that old time religion, guns, race, lawlessness and Southern cuisine in a brunswick stew of an experience. After watching a few episodes, the viewer can claim a deep seated knowledge of the culture of the American South. 

Like Faulkner, Carson McCullers and Tennessee Williams, this show demonstrates the dark heart of the American South by gazing at a typical Atlanta family and its twin teens and their bible thumping classmates. For fun and monetary gain they bounty hunt and experience carnal pleasures leading to the existential guilt that comes from departing from  the path of righteousness. 

Biden's grandkids

 

One of the cutesier moments of the virtual convention was the segment with Biden's granddaughters. Apparently the kids talk with grandpa every day and Mr. B always takes their calls even when giving a speech. 

I guess I didn't come from a close family but for me, conversations between my parents and their grandsons were rare and cursory affairs. A grunt or two at Thanksgiving dinner or a yes or no answer to a nosy question at Christmas was the extent of the communication between generations. I can't imagine how an unsolicited phone call to the kids would be received. Perhaps an annoyed response and a quick call to the parents that grandpa should get a life. 

Being cynical, I can imagine the kids calling Grandpa when they need a favor. $40,000 for a new car or $20,000 so the kids can stay with their friends in Monaco. Perhaps a friend who wants a government internship merits a call to the former Vice President. I guess I am skeptical of phone calls between rich grandparents and their needy grandkids. 

The postal crisis of 2020

 

In the fall of 1973 we were in the midst of the great gas crisis. There were lines to buy gasoline. Gasoline stations closed because they ran out of gas. The old man prognosticated "Don't worry, the price of gas will go up to fifty cents a gallon and then everybody will have enough gas."

Today we are all panicked. We are afraid that the post offices will close. We are afraid there will be no way to mail in our ballots in November. My prediction is that they will raise up the price of buying a stamp by a nickel and all the problems with the post office will go away. We can learn alot from our old mans.  

Mississippi state flag

The election has begun. It means a lot to all of us. That is, the selection of the next Mississippi flag. I rather like the mosquito. Anyone who has ever spent time in the South can emphacize with the propensity of this region with the beloved insect. 

What no change?

Not having kids in school and being retired, I have missed out on some of the exigencies of the pandemic. Sure I can't go to the movies and have to drink in bars that have circus tents, but today I discovered a new wrinkle. Apparently many supermarkets, including my regular place, are no longer giving out change. They will take exact change, but will credit your store card for the change they would have given you. The next time you shop there it will remember you and credit your change to the next purchase. 

Oh this is new. I'll have to remember to bring change with me, unless I'm going to my regular grocery store. They have toilet paper now, but won't give out change. 

Weird names

Today I am sitting home with lots of groceries and a bottle of wine. I even have some things I can eat if there is a power failure. I have three flashlights and have put batteries in my radio. 

Now I can relax, enjoy the lightning and wind, and bitch about the name Isaias. What the heck is that? None of the weather reporters can pronounce it. It is not even a popular name en el mundo hispanola. 

People think they are clever giving weird names to their children. When I was a librarian we had a clerk with a weird name. The truth is I never asked her to do anything because I was afraid I would screw up her name. Teachers don't like to call on kids with weird names because they don't want a student correcting her in front of the class. Bosses won't give them projects because they can't pronounce their names and don't want to be embarrassed. 

Parents don't think about these things when they give their children weird names. I think the World Meteorological Organization should stop trying to be clever. 

British detective shows

Idle hands being the devil's workshop, I have gotten into the habit of watching a lot of British television shows on the telly. I watch Vera, Grantchester, Midsomer Murders, Father Brown, Paradise, and that Australian show about the doctor who butts into police business (Doctor Blake). Following the lead of Miss Marple, in these shows the enlightened amateur, typically a priest, a minister, or a doctor knows more than the civil servant who is paid to solve crimes. 

There is usually an old woman who butts in, occasionally a wife or a girlfriend, and recently an attractive reporter has been appearing in  these shows. I don't know how she dresses so well with a reporter's salary. 

I've become such a regular that I can tell you in advance who committed the deed. It is a pleasant fellow or lady who is introduced early on. Midway through the show we are told about a sketchy character. He is casually mentioned by a witness and then the show moves onto a cheesy laundromat with an over the hill matron. "Jack Barnes, he's in the back" we hear in a cockney accent, in a voice worsened by years of smoking and whiskey. The camera passes to poor Jack, who puts down his iron and runs out the back door. 

The youngish assistant detective runs hither and thither through lower Thrispwich and Jack Barnes is captured. The next scene he is in the witness room at headquarters. He pleads his innocence, tells about another unrelated criminal activity, and in the next scene is released. 

Finally near the end of the show the actual culprit is discovered and we find him standing in the middle of a bridge about to throw himself into the Thames. He is talked down by the detective, or perhaps the doctor or priest, with the promise that he'll only get a year or two for manslaughter. 

How I'd love to see a show where the witness runs and is not captured. In the last scene, the principals talk about how its a shame they were not able to solve the case. Or if they would let the man throw himself into the river and in the last scene we would find out he was as innocent as the new fallen snow. 

I painted my kitchen cabinets

Last week I went to two bars. Yes I had to sit under an umbrella outside but I still got to go to real bars. I have been looking forward to this time for months. In a week or two I'll even be able to sit in the bar indoors. New Jersey did its penance and soon we will be rewarded with the pleasures of hanging out in bars. Unlike Florida which refused to do its penance and now has rising cases of the virus. Like the ants and the grasshoppers, us ants get to enjoy our new found freedoms and the grasshoppers have to suffer. I feel like the kid who did his Catechism and is rewarded with ice cream while the kid next door did not study his Catechism and has to eat spinach. 

I knew people would be bragging about all the projects they took on the past few months. Newly painted living rooms. Kids who can now speak Latin and play the piano. I knew I needed something to say I did, besides growing a beard. I figured painting my kitchen cabinets would be a nice project to take up. Painting took me four days and I dedicated an average of four hours each day to the project. I used lots of masking tape and moved very slowly. Old wooden cabinets sop up paint so they needed multiple coats. I did get some droplets on the floor but I'm planning to get new tiles in the next year anyway so it all worked out. 

One  thing I did learn. Plastic drop cloths suck. The old fashioned cloth drop cloths worked much better. 

Editor's note: The governor of New Jersey is delaying the opening of indoor dining and drinking.

Returning to normal

It looks like things may be starting to get back to normal soon. It will be a readjustment for many of us. The once a week shower will have to be replaced with at the very least a thrice weekly event. We will be able to eat in restaurants, albeit in limited circumstances, ie dining in the parking lot of our favorite place. People we have been able to avoid because of covid19 will want to see us again. Volunteer commitments will have to be re evaluated. 

I drove to Delaware to get a taste of the new normal. I went to the  Christiana mall off Route 95 and walked around, bought a book, and even ate a burrito in the food court. It was a thrill. 

The biggest decision for most men will be what to do about the beard. Millions of men throughout the world have answered that timeless question "I wonder what I would look like with a beard?" with the shaveless option. Of course when no one will see you except your doctor and the liquor store clerk it is easier to sport a goatee than when you have to visit friends and relatives who know you and will have opinions on the topic. I have taken a poll to see what my Facebook friends think. It would be easier to have a wife who would make an non negotiable decision. 

Aunt Agnes on shopping

I went to the supermarket today. I had to wear one of those silly masks. I haven't worn a mask since a Halloween party I went to in the 80s. I went as the lone rangers's wife. I looked like I was going to rob a bank, but I guess I didn't look any worse that anyone else. 

I noticed everybody was real polite in the store. Soon as I got anywhere near to a shelf all the people cleared out of my way. I no longer had to shove my way through to get to the salad dressing. They had toilet paper this time. Is it just me or did they double the price? 

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised to see that they had a special line for people over sixty. That's one thing I'd like to see continued even when things get back to normal. It's a shame that man ahead of me was so slow and had so many problems. It would have been faster to get on the line with the teenagers. If only I could figure out how these barcode scanner things worked. 

When I got home I washed my hands. Now it's time to cook dinner. The bars are still closed. Good  thing I have some cooking sherry in the closet. Don't want to go out past curfew!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend

As we slowly come out of the big sleep that was social distancing we can celebrate Memorial Day. Here is an oldie but goodie.

Public restrooms in the age of Cholera

Today I took a walk in my local park. Regretting a recent cup of coffee, I was about to perform in the wooded area one of those  tasks that are easier for men than women to execute when I was surprised to see that the restroom was open.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUZEtVbJT5c
The bathroom was open!

Another indication that we may be entering phase 1 on the way to that glorious day when I can join the regulars at my favorite bar in enjoying the pleasures of drink.

Being nostalgic, I remembered one of the happiest days of my childhood, when I joined my father and my oldest brother in joining the men in urinating into the trough at Yankee Stadium. Nothing makes a nine year old kid feel more like a man than joining the throng at a major metropolitan ballpark on a hot summer's day. All that beer and soda has to go somewhere.

Face masks

A new cottage industry has sprung up in America. The selling of face masks. I got mine from a member of a meetup group and I now possess two cloth masks which I can wear when I go to the store. I take one with me when I go to the park but have recently noticed that most people aren't wearing masks there and anyway, there aren't that many people that you can't avoid them. I just don't breathe when I pass a hiker or dog on a walkway. 

Masks can also be used as fashion statements. You can spend serious money on one if you choose. Lately, because I'm old, I can get a free one from my local senior center. They are also finally cropping up at the Shop-Rite (for sale). 

I have noticed most people are wearing the standard hospital blue models. I have a more fashionable brown cloth model. When they open up the coronavirus museum in a couple of years, there should be a nice assortment of the things on display. 

The other thing I have noticed is that men seem to be growing beards. Below the masks I have noticed lots of facial hair among the masculine set. I am also growing a beard. It allows me to feel that at least I am doing something productive during my sojourn. 

May in the time of cholera

So now it's May. Here in New Jersey most parks are now reopened, including the neighborhood one near me. I was excited ( it doesn't take much to get excited about these days).  I no longer had to sneak into Pennsylvania for a hike. I wore my mask, as recommended, but discovered most people were not wearing them. Anyway it wasn't that crowded, except at the entrance near the pond.

I've discovered that connecting the mask flaps with a rubber band and wrapping the thing around my head is easier on my ears and makes the mask less likely to fall off. It almost fell off at the ShopRite yesterday and I was afraid of being arrested.

Walking in the park. Buying wine. Life's little pleasures in the time of cholera. I've noticed a group of mother's and kids are gathering together at the green area where I live. Looks like they are having fun. Hope they cleaned up the dog droppings.

One of the high spots of life today is watching the governor's daily briefings. Each governor is different. Andrew Cuomo reminds me of a college professor teaching calculus to reluctant freshman. California's governor is folksy. Murphy of New Jersey reminds me of a library director on his semi annual staff meeting. Congratulating the staff but reminding them to mind their p's and q's or their recently obtained privileges may be revoked.

Editor's note: Recently I discovered a Kindle book that may be fun for 99 cents. It follows an out of work librarian following Jack Keroauc's journey to Denver. It's called It must be the altitude.

The new oil crisis

The crisis now is that oil prices are low and storage tanks are filled. Apparently that can lead to the price of oil being below zero. Right now in New Jersey you can get gas for about $1.80 or so a gallon. It will be interesting to see if the price of gasoline could go below zero.

You drive to the gas station. He fills up your tank. Then you give him your credit card. He deposits ten dollars to your account. You leave with a full tank of gas and an additional ten dollars on your credit card. I need to wash my mask.

Baseball in the time of cholera

The latest theory going around is that baseball will be played this year in indoor stadiums in Arizona and Florida starting in July.  No fans in the stadiums.  The players will stay in hotels and get bussed to the games. This might be interesting.

The biggest problem that I see is that able bodied male athletes should not be asked to be chaste for an entire baseball season. I can see players getting a little rough and fights breaking out. Perhaps a cotillion of ladies of the evening can be given special dispensation to hang out in the hotels to keep the boys of summer amused.

Better things and Breeders

It's time for my second blog on Better Things. Now that I'm home all day, I have not missed an episode and proudly can tell anyone that I am a feminist, and can prove it by never missing this show.

Although I still like the show and like that the kids are "growing up" and becoming a tiny bit less obnoxious, I now notice a dream like, disjuncted feel to this season. There is no real plotline to the shows, they are almost like  Robert Altman movies, and it is a little jarring. I'm used to a sitcom where there are lots of one-liners, and a plot that is introduced in the beginning of the show and resolves at the end.  And I'm used to a laugh track that tells me when something is funny.

 I liked the scene where the kid, Mom, and Grand mom were cooking in the kitchen. It felt like a real family moment, but it really didn't introduce a problem that was supposed to be resolved by the end of the show. The New Orleans show was also nice, but again where was the plot?

The show that precedes Better Things on Monday nights is Breeders and I have also been watching that while waiting for Better Things. It's not bad, it's a somewhat dry family oriented comedy, of British extraction. Like Better Things, it features children. The twist is that they are raised by a couple that are not married. The show also features parents, with her father being featured, now dying, and his father suddenly turns up in an episode. This one is not a must see for me but as a captive audience, I will probably become a regular viewer.

Fifteen good things about the crisis

Looking at the bright side, here are fifteen good things about the health crisis.

• Everyone will have something to talk about. Next Thanksgiving, we'll all talk about our experiences. 
• It's easier to save money.  Without bars, casinos, restaurants, trips to the city, and travel we can all save money.
• We can get a look at tv talk show hosts houses and see what celebrities look like in their pajamas.
• There's no traffic on the roads.
• We can watch news shows done in people's kitchens.
• We can practice our  cooking skills.  I am getting real good as slicing garlic.
• We now have something to do with the old teddy bears in our closet. 
• We don't have to talk sports with male relatives or co-workers. 
• We are learning the art of the corkscrew. 
• We can practice the guitar or go back to working on our novels. 
• We have an excuse for everything.
• We don't forget to watch our favorite tv shows. 
• We're going to feel wealthy with our $1200.
• Pollution is going down with less people driving.
• Gas prices are real low and we aren't filling up as much either. 
• We don't miss Facebook postings anymore. 
• We can watch our cute neighbors playing with their dogs. 
• Married people and parents get to spend quality time with each other. (No I'm not sharing my abode with a spouse or kids)

Of course for some, nurses, emergency responders, etc. it can mean more work, not just goofing off at home.

I went to the liquor store

Thank you Governor Murphy, I'm sure you will get re-elected because you kept the liquor stores open during Ovid 19. I drove to the liquor store today and happily went in. The clerks were dressed in haz mat costumes, or perhaps like the characters in space in Gravity. Bought my liquor.

At my condo kids were outside playing with their dogs. Apparently, a dog is the license that allows people to hang out in public places and cavort. As long as I have my Internet and my Netflix I will survive the crisis. With a little help from bottled alcohol.

Kitchen sink movies

Thanks to TCM, I've become a fan of kitchen sink movies. These British films of the 50s and 60s show a side of Britain few of us get to see. No royalty, Victorian ballrooms, costumes or gardens, these largely black and white films portray a gritty realism with industrial neighborhoods, working class flats, and inevitably a grimy looking kitchen sink makes its appearance somewhere. A Taste of Honey, Alfie and Look back in Anger  were hits in America but there were lots more made in this genre.

Rita Tushingham was one of the major actors of the era. Not exactly pretty, but with an interesting face, she is a fixture of many British films of the genre. Now that we all have extra time on our hands, searching out kitchen sink movies may prove to be a minor diversion in the coming weeks.

Editor's note: There are some freebies if you search "Kitchen Sink Movies" on Youtube.

How to deal with the toilet paper crisis

https://www.wivb.com/health/coronavirus/why-the-rush-on-toilet-paper-one-economist-believes-he-knows/

Not to gloat but I have four spare rolls of toilet paper and I'm keeping them. I bought them when they were on sale and they should take me to the Fourth of July or at least til Easter.

I just came back from South America, where, at least when I was there, there was no Coronavirus crises. They do have a chronic plumbing situation, though. For the most part you can't flush toilet paper but need to deposit it in a separate receptacle. Gross, but when in Rome....

Now for people who are left here in the USA with their pants down, here are some suggestions. You can cut up old pieces of cloth or sanitary wear that you no longer use. You can use paper towels. You can use newspapers. Just remember to keep them in a separate bag and throw them out as trash (when no one is looking). Of course an expensive but long term solution is to install a bidet.

Editor's note: I know people rely on this blog for critical updates to their life crises.

May we live in interesting times

Looks like we are making history again. It's so exciting. First, the British left the EU. Now the world is in a virus crisis. Americans can no longer visit Italy, Japan, or China. 

If we are to believe all the dire predictions,  we may all have to stay in our homes indefinitely and watch YouTube and Netflix. At least until the Internet dies. Parents will really get to know their children. Husbands will get to spend real quality time with their wives. We'll lose billions of dollars in the stock market and have to grow our own vegetables. 

Within a year most of us will be in our graves. At least that will be good for climate change. 

Still there is the contrarian vision. A few people will pass on, but no more than from the flu. The market will rebound. This will be a good buying opportunity. We'll get to go to work, the stores, and school as usual. It will all be a big scare, like Y2k. It might even turn out to be a great thing for the brave at heart. Airports won't be crowded and there will be lots of bargains. You'll be able to get a reservation at top Broadway shows and restaurants. Who knows? May we live in interesting times. 

Washing hands and men

Today I became aware of another sin that men are guilty of, that of inadequately washing our hands. I know that when I am in a train station I turn the faucet on and open my right hand to allow water to rain over it for two seconds and I'm done. Occasionally, if I have time, the left hand will also get the same treatment.

Apparently this is causing all sorts of afflictions, including that Chinese virus and other maladies. Women, at least according to the aforementioned article, spend five minutes washing their hands using a variety of soaps, perfumes and lotions to perform the task. This is why women are less likely to spread disease if more likely to pick up things.

Since I have retired I have noticed that I have been getting fewer colds. I attribute this to not having to ride elevators all day with co-workers suffering various levels of infections. I don't wash my hands any differently now but have more time to spend in the bathroom clipping my nails and mustache.

Editor's note: Coronavirus not "that Chinese virus"

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day 

For my entire childhood and on into early adulthood my father and I happily strolled through February with a smile on our faces, never having to think about what to give Mother for Valentine’s Day. My girlfriend, when I had one, might have gotten something but that was as far as it went. The thing that ruined it was that darn beauty parlor.

One February 14 Mother went to the beauty parlor and all the customers sat in their chairs bragging about all the things their husbands and their children were giving them for Valentine’s Day. One talked about the beautiful roses her son sent here from Florida. Another talked about the cruise her husband was taking her on for Valentine’s Day. The hairdresser was so pleased with the chocolates her son had given her that morning.

That night at dinner boy did we get it. “This one is getting a cruise. That one got an expensive watch. This one is going out to Le Freup a Tell in Manhattan. And what are you giving me?” My father looked surprised. He didn’t know he was supposed to give her something. He never had in the past and they all had been happy as clams at high tide.

He put his arms around her and said “All of my love”. That didn’t work. She looked at me.

I tried to rescue the situation. “But mother, Valentine’s Day isn’t for your mother! It’s for your girlfriend or your mistress!” That didn’t work either. From then, every year, we had to give her something for Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day. You’re just getting over the Christmas bills and along comes Valentine’s Day. And you have to give candy to your secretary and the ladies at work. More money coming out of the poor man’s pocket. Happy Valentine’s Day to all.

Editor's note: This oldie was originally published in 2007.

Impeachment hearings

Never in my life have I ever been so proud to be an American as I was last night watching the Impeachment hearings. Hearing the Republicans vote unanimously to not allow any documents or witnesses in the trial. I've never seen a trial like that! The founding fathers would be so proud. Watching the bored Senators squirm in their seats. Look, Bernie Sanders is stretching his legs. So proud to be a Senator. 

The speeches were also very moving and informative. So many surprises! A wonderful moment in America's history. 

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex

Here is the official website of Harry and Meghan. Quite refined, actually. The message is a little ambiguous though. Yes they want to change their relationship with their royal patronage but don't really explain how they hope to do it. They claim they want to live in Canada but insiders say Los Angeles is their goal. They claim they want to be financially independent. That should be interesting. Celebrities without any major talents can sometimes be disappointments when they dive into real world pursuits. I remember Chelsea Clinton's illustrious career as a commentator on NBC or Ron Reagan's tv show.

They would be ideal for a reality show but that would be too tawdry. Perhaps Harry could open a flying school. Word is that Meghan is going to do voice overs for Disney. That might work. Meghan could play an elf in a Hallmark Christmas special. Harry could be a color commentator in the upcoming Olympics.  So many people wish they had the problems of the Duke and Duchess.

Please don't jump off the bridge

Had a pleasant walk across  the Ben Franklin Bridge from Camden to Philadelphia. I couldn't help but notice that as soon as we left New Jersey for Pennsylvania we started seeing suicide prevention signs. I guess they were afraid we were going to all jump off the bridge into the Delaware River.

Coming back we saw more signs. After crossing into New Jersey again the signs stopped. I guess they don't care if you commit suicide in New Jersey.

Why are we so obsessed with Jane Austen

Becoming bored with the Golden Globe awards, I switched channels and happened upon a BBC miniseries of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth as Mr. Darby. The last time I was at the movies I saw a coming attraction for a new production of Emma. I notice Channel 13 has on the cover of its January program guide "Sanditon", a new production of Jane Austen's last novel. Why, I asked, this obsession with Jane Austen? She seems to be America's hottest novelist and yet she died almost two hundred years ago.

At the heart of her work is the task of finding a suitable partner, made more difficult if there is no male heir for the estate. A partner should have the social skills to dance the quadrille and the minuet, play whist, duel, and have enough property to provide an adequate income. A woman must have dancing skills, play the piano, know how to dine in a formal setting, speak intelligently, and ideally be comely, refined and ideally also have an income.

When you looked at a potential partner, you saw them, as well as their estate. Just like when people look at a retired civil servant, they see his  handsome appearance as well as his  pension.

As America moves away from being a meritocracy and moves towards a country where the success of your parents and grandparents will have more import than your SAT scores, we are learning from Jane Austen how to live in the new/old world. Rather than be taught math, women of the the future will base their success on their abilities at the piano, the quilt, and the selection of appropriate attire for a picnic by the lake of their summer property.