Friday, September 24, 2010

Lindsay Lohan and Christine O'Donnell

Like most Americans, my day begins and ends with ruminations on Lindsay Lohan. What did she do today? Will she have to do hard time? What about her driving skills? What happens if she is imprisoned and we can't follow her adventures on a daily basis?

The answer is that she will be replaced in the national consciousness by Christine O'Donnell. For the next few months we as Americans will follow every thing said or done by dear Christine. From a liberal woman to a conservative women. My, men are so fickle.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The recession is over

According to the National Bureau of Economic Research, the recession is now over. Everybody's going to find jobs. No more layoffs. No more furloughs. Back to work everybody! Happy days are here again.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The liberal vs. Aunt Agnes

We all have Aunt Agneses. They are our mothers, our neighbors, our co-workers and in some cases, our Aunt Agneses. At this point in history she is dominating the American political landscape. She has the Democrats as scaird as a turkey in a football stadium on Thanksgiving.

The modern day liberal: All religions deserve tolerance and the Moslems have a right to do whatever they want in New York.

Aunt Agnes: They want to be close to the World Trade Center so they can plot another attack on Americans.

The modern day liberal: Immigrants built this country and illegal immigrants should be treated with compassion and their children deserve an education.

Aunt Agnes: They come over here to get welfare and free health care and the illegal ones should be shipped back from where they came.

The modern day liberal: The school teacher is at the forefront of creating a new generation of American citizens. They should be paid and rewarded for the important work they do.
Aunt Agnes: Schoolteachers, don't get me started. They work a nine month year, and God forbid they should stay in the classroom after three o'clock. The unions have ruined our schools.

Today all the politicians are afraid of dear Aunt Agnes. And she always made such good pies.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Blind man's bluff

I recently went on an expedition to beautiful upstate New York. I took the new car and the latest edition to my traveling ensemble, the GPS, which I affectionately named Jean. I had my route all mapped out in advance thanks to the more plebeian Yahoo maps. Half way up Route 81 Jean announced that I was making a turn onto a state highway. I couldn't figure out why. Being a natural follower instead of a leader, I did what I was told. I spent the next three hours jaunting around on state and county roads. I saw beautiful downtown Ithaca. I passed a farm maze. I passed an octagon house.

Eventually I did arrive at beautiful Canandaigua. Should I have been more assertive and not left the Interstate? Made Jean announce the dreaded word "recalculating"? Did Jean know something I didn't know? Am I sheep and not a man?

One thing I did learn is that, like blind man's bluff, you must either follow Jean like a robot or go your own way. If you suddenly make a decision midway to leave the chosen route you can go seriously out of your way.
Editor's note: I have posted a photograph of this year's balcony garden on my companion blog, Balcony Tomatoes.