I've discovered the Elf on the Shelf

Years after every family in America has been immersed in the Elf on the Shelf ritual, I have finally discovered it, thanks to an hour of bored browsing on the Internet. I now understand the concept. The elf materializes in different places in the house every morning and reports to Santa when the children in the household are being mischievous. When kids sneak a cigarette or have one of their father's beers without permission, the Elf reports to Santa and this can impact their take on Christmas day. 

I can see how it may also be used in the office. The secretarial assistant talks a little too long on the phone. The clerk spreads rumours about the Vice President in charge of operations. That night the Elf tells the CEO  and this reduces the worker's Christmas bonus. I can see how the Elf on the shelf could also become the Grinch on the shelf. 

Aunt Agnes had a dream

For today's blog I have a guest host, Dear Aunt Agnes.

Yesterday I shared a pot luck with some of the ladies from the congregation and had a delicious plate of Welsh rarebit. Well the legend was true. I had a horrible dream. I was sound in my bed and I could feel someone looking down at me. He was an Arab fellow with a long head scarf. 

"Hello, Christian lady. President Obama let me have asylum along with a group of refugees from Syria. I am going to have to take your television set and your mattress. Then we are going to pray to my God."

Boy did I wake up fast. I am so worried about what that president is going to let into this country. Please lord, may our next president be Republican!

The barbershop is back

I wrote this in 2011:

Every Friday I have gotten in the habit of listening to the Barbershop. As a Caucasian, I've often wondered what Black people talk about when they're ruminating in the neighborhood

tonsorial salons. Today, we have the privilege of finding out, thanks to the feature on NPR, the Barbershop. 1:45 PM. 

Today in 2015:

The Barbershop is back! : Michel Martin and a new crew are back on NPR on Saturdays as part of the weekend All Things Considered. Now again Caucasians can eavesdrop on the thinking of the Black intelligentsia. I hope they have upholstered the seats by now. 

The return of the Gilmore Girls

Apparently the big news is that it's coming back. One of the great cultural institutions, a television series that sums up the hope and aspirations of  21st century Americans, is returning. Apparently it will surface on Netflix on line.

The guessing games are starting. What will they do about dear old granpaw now that Edward Hermann has hit the bucket? Will Luke's daughter come back? Will Luke and Lorelei be an old married couple by now?

I'm sure Christopher will make an appearance. And the daughter with the cute glasses. Kelly Bishop I'm sure will be featured and just as feisty, and Paris will make an appearance, even though she is in a hit show now.

Lane will be managing her mother's store since the old lady had by-pass surgery. Jess will be recently out of prison and managing the diner while Luke is the cook at the inn and will be living there. Melissa McCarthy will come back for the Thanksgiving show.

The hardest character to place will be Rory. Although the actress can use the work, the character will have gone on to a news job at WGBH in Boston. It would be tragic if she was home, living with Mom after all her fancy schooling. She will visit on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter so we'll get to see her.

I telescoped my prediction. The shows (there will only be four, albeit four long shows) will be based on holidays. Each show will take place around a holiday where people not living in Stars Hollow will be around, visiting family.

There will be a Thanksgiving show, a Christmas show, an Easter show and a Fourth of July show. Luke and Lorelei will be married but living up the street from each other.  Those are my predictions.

Walking has taken on new meanings

As life in America moves ever faster and as our waistlines get ever larger, a new movement is overtaking our shores. Namely...walking somethings.

Walking meetings

This seems like a really fun Monday morning at the office. The office manager is growling into a megaphone about productivity and limiting our breaks to fifteen minutes. The staff is limping along, too much partying last weekend.

Walking school buses

This is a nice way to save the tax payers money. You coral all the kids together and a few parents or spare staff members. Everybody walks to school. Instead of sitting in a bus the little tykes are getting exercise. "A hundred bottles of beer on the wall..." they sing.

Walking dates

Walking dates can be fun. They are cheap (unless you keep stopping for things) and an efficient way to gauge the fitness of your potential life companion. Avoid these if you are out of shape. They can be tough especially if the other person is in better shape than you.

Betty hiker: I am having so much fun. This is so much more fun than swilling beer in a bar.

Barry hiker: Huff....Huff... Huff... Could you go a little slower? Boy, I need a break.  Perhaps we could stop off at the Queen and Camel for a quick one.

Halloween humbug

When I was a tot my mother insisted that our family never wore store bought costumes. My mother liked to show off her rural roots and sewing skills in late October. I was a little Dutch girl, a little Dutch boy, a farmer, Tom Sawyer, well you get the picture. Texas straw got re-used year after year.

Halloween was  okay. My brother, with my assistance, carved out a pumpkin. School had a Halloween party. We walked around the neighborhood with the girls up the street and collected candy.

Seventh grade my mother celebrated. No more Halloween. No more costumes. Her kids were too old for Halloween.

I lived a relatively Halloween free life until I moved to Denver. The branch manager loved the holiday and made the staff dress up in costumes. My mother was several states away so I had to design my own costumes. One year a few of us went as African Americans. It was fun, although it might be politically incorrect nowadays.

Now I am an adult and am still designing Halloween costumes. I have no ideas so far. In 2008 I went as the Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulsen. Does anyone have any ideas? Halloween. Humbug.

The rise and fall of the Pope

You know honey, this Pope is okay. He cares about global warming,
immigration, and wants us all to follow the golden rule.

Maybe it's time we started going to Mass on Sunday. I know it's fun getting up late, but gee we could be part of a real community at church.


Today in the news: Pope meets with Kim Davis

Then again, there's nothing quite like hanging out in your Jammie's on Sunday morning.