The dilemma of the unwanted plant

I think we've all been in this situation. You go to a meeting and you have a nice lunch. Afterwards the speaker tells you to look under your chair. If you have a picture of a daisy you get to take home the centerpiece. I won the centerpiece, which, as it turns out, was a plant. It was called a gerbera, according to the plant tag.

I brought it home and it was pretty until all the flowers fell off. Now it sits in a prime spot in my small kitchen window, drinking up the winter sun and absorbing frequent waterings. It is always dry. I divided the plant in half (actually I think the centerpiece had several plants) and it is also taking up valuable window space in the office.

There it sits. I think to myself, if it died, I could really use that pot for one of the African violets that I grew from a leaf and is now getting big.

The dilemma of the unwanted plant. Like an unwanted dog or an unwanted child, it takes up time, space and resources. And how am I rewarded? By looking at its yellowing leaves. It has healthy leaves coming in, though. Oh what does one do with an unwanted plant. If it had flowers I could give it as a Christmas gift but it would be tacky to give someone that ugly thing.

Perhaps in the spring it will sprout more flowers. Then I'll be happy I didn't abandon it. Perhaps it will die. I could use that pot and window space.

Happy turkey day

I've been lazy but here is a Thankgiving blast from the past. I promise to bring back Aunt Agnes and her views on our next president. Happy turkey day!

Garrison Keillor on Trump

Garrison Killore had a nice column today.

I need to start hanging out in more old man bars. I thought Hillary was going to win. There's a world out there that doesn't read the Times or watch Colbert.

Jack T Chick has died

It was the first week of my Freshman year at Rutgers. I was coming out of the Student Center when a man handed me what I thought was a comic book. It was called "This was your life". I read it and shared it with my dorm mates. In future weeks I got more of these comics. I had quite a collection at one time. These books taught me the meaning of irony. 

This past week he has been memorialized throughout the media. A cornerstone of American culture has passed. 

Play dates

I am now working on another floor at work. The move has been long and hard and next week I'll get fitted for a back brace. One nice thing about my new lunchroom is I can eavesdrop on conversations, which allows me to get a new grasp on life as it is lived in our country.

Not surprising, I have found that young men still talk about sports at the lunch table. As they get older the conversation will move on to home projects and finally, health problems. 

The women's table has reassured me that women, at the end of the day, still talk about children primarily, especially children's health issues. I have learned that one daughter is both afraid of the dentist and getting shots. In my day my face would meet my mother's hand and all my phobias would have been solved. 

The other way I have of learning about life is through situation comedies. My favorite show this fall is Better Things,  starring Louie C. K.'s co star, Pamela Aldon. From this show I have learned that the real purpose of play dates is that it is a way for divorced Mom's to meet up with divorced Dad's. The kids are just the pretext.

Thank you Mother and Father. They never made me go on a play date. Since I was disliked by all the kids at school it would have been excruciatingly embarrassing to have to be involved in setting up a play date. Perhaps things are better now. Kids seem more worldly and are taught social skills at an earlier age. 

Nah. I went to two kids birthday parties in my life, never was the star of one, and don't regret it. I also never went on a play date. 

Editor's note: I made up the part about getting a back brace. 

Ellie and Hillary run for office

Recently I was watching the Andy Griffith episode where Ellie Walker runs for office and gets the women and men in Mayberry all asunder. Made me think of today and the upcoming Presidential election. Here you have the archetypal man versus the archetypal woman in a contest. Or to put it another way,  it's an interesting contest because it pits the type of woman men can't stand with the type of man that annoys  the women folk. 

Hillary is the assistant manager at work who writes in your review that you keep a messy desk. She is the school teacher who gives your son a C in algebra, which keeps him from playing sports. She is the sister-in law that doesn't allow smoking in the house and then hits you up for a contribution to the church charity. 

Trump is the loud mouthed guy at the bar who explains why a player should stand up for the National Anthem if he wants to play football. He is the guy who shows up at the party with a date the same age as his daughter while his wife is staying at home. He's the bragadocio who can fix everybody's problems but never pays the waiter a tip. 

So there you have it, a man that women don't like and a woman that annoys most men, certainly those over forty, who remember when women at work brought in the coffee and wives did the laundry.  Wonder if Ellie won that election.  

Buying a t shirt for your grand neice

This is (trigger warning) a somewhat sexist appraisal of how to handle extended family purchasing situations.

The wrong way to buy a gift for your niece.
You are at the gift shop at Valley Forge and want to buy a cute t shirt for your grand niece. You buy it on impulse. Inevitably, the grand niece will never wear her t shirt. The size is wrong. She doesn't like the design. Anyway, she already has five hundred t shirts and on birthdays and holidays she always gets a few dozen more. The truth is your grand niece only shops at fancy schmanzy children's boutiques with designer names and prices. You have made a mistake. Your t shirt will be sold at next year's church rummage sale.

The correct way to buy a gift for a grandniece. Your wife calls your nephew's wife and they have a nice chat. Your wife tells you what she wants, she buys it, and you sign your name on it. Or, if you don't have a wife, you can buy her a cash card at Amazon.