My opinions on American tourist traps

 

Have recently been perusing an article in Timeout listing America's tourist traps. Due to a life of sin, surprisingly I have been to many of these places. I have decided to comment on the choices mentioned in the article perhaps with the chance of enlightening the future traveler. 

For one thing, tourist traps can be swell places to visit. For example, I loved the Leaning Tower of Pisa. 

1. South of the Border | Hamer, SC

I fully enjoyed South of the Border. Great food, cheap cigarettes and fireworks. What's not to love. I still have my souvenir from the place. 

Time Out US

This over-the-top rest area in South Carolina sits just below the North Carolina border (hence the name) and marled the halfway point between Florida and New York back when people drove between these two cities. It’s still fun for kids who marvel at the massive sombrero and can sneak in a ride at the amusement park, but most adults grumble at the thought of stopping here for a photo underneath the giant Mexican hat or a souvenir.

2. The original Starbucks | Seattle, WA

The first Starbucks store along the cobblestone street near Pike Place Market is a mecca for coffee lovers patient enough to wait in line for basically the same coffee they could have at any other Starbucks. In fairness, this one carries limited merchandise available for purchase and serves pour-over coffee of a special proprietary roast. But, there’s still the issue of the line, which can snake around the block during peak hours.

Never been there, have gone to Starbucks when I needed to use the bathroom.

3. Plymouth Rock | Plymouth, Massachusetts

One of the more disappointing monuments on this list, Plymouth Rock is nothing more than a disenchanting boulder, says one Reddit user. The supposed site of the disembarkation of the Mayflower is a popular tourist attraction and is also frequented by nearby students on field trips. Apparently, feeling totally let down by this historical landmark is a rite of passage for most elementary school kids in New England.

Our family liked to travel. We saw Plymouth Rock and it was small but I'm glad I got to see it. 

4. Southernmost Point | Key West, FL

The southernmost point in the continental U.S. is an unimpressive concrete buoy overlooking the ocean. It’s a necessary photo opp if you’re in Key West, but not worth seeking out if you’re in the Upper Keys. You’ll also see “90 miles to Cuba” written on it; the southernmost point is closer to Cuba than to mainland Florida.

Key West is definitely worth the trip, just to see the roosters on the streets and Hemingway's cats. I saw but was not impressed by the Southernmost Point. 

 Corn Palace | Mitchell, SD

The world’s only corn palace gets a new look with every crop season, decked out in corn and grains from the area and themed murals. The agricultural landmark showcasing the region’s bounty is also one of the finest basketball auditoriums in the country.

Never seen, probably never will. 

6. Navy Pier | Chicago, IL

Perhaps this is worth visiting after you’ve seen and done absolutely everything there is to see and do in Chicago. There’s nothing of note, says one Reddit user, citing similar places like Fisherman’s Wharf at least have sea lions and other wildlife to redeem them.

I liked Chicago but have not seen the Navy Pier. 

7. The Alamo | San Antonio, TX

Complaints about The Alamo compare to most bad reviews of places you’ve already seen on TV: it’s much smaller than expected. The historic Spanish mission is where the 1836 battle between Texas revolutionary forces and the Mexican army occurred. A significant site that some Reddit users still consider a tourist trap.

Went on a family trip. Actually glad I got to see it. 

8. Mount Rushmore | South Dakota, SD

People visit the South Dakota site for its massive sculpture depicting U.S. presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln. The roughly 60-foot-high granite faces are a sight to behold…but also something you can Google. You might want to think this one through.

Never seen it. Probably never will, but it might be worth it.

9. Times Square | NY, NY

This one was up for debate as some defended the overrun region of New York City for its incredible theater and twinkling lights—quite a spectacle to behold at night. Sure, the souvenir shops are crap and the street performers can be shady, but there’s definite magic to the Great White Way.

You haven't been to New York unless you've ridden the subway and walked through Times Square. 

Photograph: Shutterstock

10. Bourbon Street | New Orleans, LA

The debacharous strip is not for everyone, and several Reddit users consider it filthy and overrated. Still, if you’re looking for an epic party scene year-round—and on a grand scale come Mardi Gras—and massive frozen cocktails, there’s no better place than Bourbon Street.

It's been awhile but I did enjoy Bourbon Street and having a hurricane there. Love what Chuck Berry said about the place in his autobiography. 

Another tourist trap I went to and enjoyed was Groman's Chinese Theatre with the handprints. Great place. 

Lunch at the vineyards

Yesterday, I went to a vineyard for lunch. Driving in, I could see the vineyards from the road and once inside, I was presented with a choice of wines produced on the premise, pizza, salads and more. There was a band playing music from the sixties and a pleasant time was had by all. 

Some cynics may say that vineyard events are just an excuse for people who think they are too good to hang out in bars can sit in a public setting, drink, eat, and get hay fever. Perhaps it is true but vineyards do get city people into the country and allow them to take a brief look at the farms of our land. And try out their Zyrtecs. 

How to open a garbage bag

 

For years I never bought a garbage bag. I simply re used the plastic bags I got from the store. These bags also could be used for my work lunches. Now, with the environmental policy in New Jersey forbidding supermarkets from giving out these things I have to buy garbage bags. 

To solve the problem of work lunch bags I retired. Easy peasy. My problem is that I have trouble opening up the store bought garbage bags. By putting a small piece of tape on each side of the recalcitrant bag and pulling, I can now open the garbage bags. 

Far From Heaven

 

Recently I watched Far From Heaven on Turner Classic Movies. It brought back memories of the time they spent a week filming the art gallery scene at the Bloomfield Public Library (for a three minute scene). At the time I didn't know Todd Haynes, Julianne Moore, Viola Davis or even Dennis Haysbert from Adam. Still it was exciting when the library director said the library had been offered a nice sum of money and new ceiling lights in the reference area in exchange for allowing them to film in the library. Actually, I was not supposed to be there at all as I had long planned a trip to Scandinavia and whenever the library director asked me a question I would say, "I'm sorry but I'll be in Copenhagen".  

I did disconnect the public Internet computers and safely stored them but I was gone on the day the film crew arrived. Coming home after my trip I first noticed something unexpected on the windowsill. It was a six-foot-long submarine sandwich with the label of a 9th Avenue shop. Oh yes, I was reminded, "must be from the film crew".

I went out to lunch and coming back I walked behind two ladies and overheard them. One lady asked, "Where have you been?"

The other lady replied, "I had to take care of a few things. I'm pregnant."

The first lady said, "Congratulations!"  The second lady was Julianne Moore. The filming had been delayed because their lead had maternity issues. 

From the harried maintenance man I learned that Julianne Moore only drank coffee from Starbucks and he had the job of keeping her and the crew supplied with coffee from the Montclair store on Bloomfield Avenue.  

There was this man seated who spoke in a very soft voice. That man was Todd Haynes. Once we were scolded because we were talking too loud, presumably from the esteemed director. The library was kept open at this time and I sat at the reference desk. One actress put her pocketbook on the desk and I warned her the desk was not secure. "Don't put anything on this desk or it might be stolen," I admonished. 

The sound man complained that he could detect a hum. This did not stop production. After the crew had left I noticed that the microfilm printer had been left on, probably accounting for the hum. 

On the penultimate day, the library director whispered to me that a few of us could watch them film a scene from the balcony. We sat up there quiet as mice.  

On the last day, as a reward for our cooperation, the staff of the library was invited to a lunch at a nearby church where we ate the leftovers from the crew. All the California and New York cars left the area. Life was returning to normal.

Early the next morning, before 9am, I reconnected all the Internet computers so the public could have at em when the day began. A workman from the town asked me if I was getting overtime. "Yes I'm getting overtime, Chinese overtime." 

Editor's note: The orange orb is a lamp filter which the crew threw out and I retrieved. My souvenir from Far From Heaven. 

Lent

 

It started with the mite boxes. The Sunday before the start of lent the nun gave every kid in Sunday school a little container where you were supposed to put dimes in from your allowance. Then on Easter the mite box, full of dimes, was supposed to be turned into the collection box at church. On Ash Wednesday you were supposed to go to church after school to get ashes. When I was young, the priest put this ugly circle of ash on your forehead. Nowadays they have a gizmo that puts a black cross above your eyes. 

For a kid, the biggest thing was that you had to give up something for lent. You knew your father would want to know what you gave up.  It should appear to be significant. It couldn't be something too easy but then again you wouldn't want it to be too hard. If you hated garlic you couldn't give up garlic for lent. Then again you didn't want to do something too painful like giving up listening to rock and roll. Ideally, it would be something that seemed like a sacrifice but really wasn't. For example with my poor record on cavities Mother had banned chocolate from the house. Hence giving up chocolate would be an easy choice. As an adult giving up hanging out in bars would be too painful but perhaps giving up artichokes or eggplant would be a better choice.  

The nice part about lent is that you could go back to your evil ways on Sundays and on Holy Saturday at noon. This did make Easter a more significant day since you could go back to gorging yourself on chocolate or artichokes again. Lent shows us how much we can enjoy things after having denied ourselves. Like shore leave or having pizza and beer after a blood test we are happy to again enjoy the evil pleasures of life. 

Witty traffic signs

 Driving on New Jersey interstates and the Turnpike, I notice that there are witty highway signs. It reminds me of when I was a tot and we read the Burma Shave signs out loud in the family Fairlane. 

They don't really bother me but I can see that they are a distraction. While trying to read the sign and perhaps "get" the joke a cat could run out on the road, unnoticed until too late. Apparently, the federal highway administration is none too pleased. 

It's supposed to snow tomorrow

 

After a year without snow of any sort there is a special excitement in the air today. The store is overloaded with people, banging into each other's carts or blocking traffic with a horizontal cart in the vegetable section. I have located my snow shovel and found my heavy-duty gloves. Turns out the heavy-duty gloves, after seeing many hours of combat, have a scar that I neatly mended with duct tape. 

The news outlets are having a field day. Since Saturday we have been inundated with news about the upcoming snow event. I told the cashier at the liquor store (I had to stock up for the emergency) that I hope we don't get too much snow. "Oh crabapples, it's not going to snow, they're only trying to scare us!"

Perhaps we are exaggerating the upcoming storm. Still, it's exhilarating to think that tomorrow I'll be wearing those gloves and shoveling out the Honda along with the other neighbors. Not as much fun as being a kid who gets the day off school. No, I'm not wearing my pajamas backwards.