Wildwood

In New Jersey people like to go to the shore during the summer. They love to sit in bumper to bumper traffic to go to their favorite shore resort. On a hot humid day in Wildwood you can really experience the Americana that the Jersey shore provides. Thousands of people lining the boardwalk, trying their luck at the pinball machines, eating pizza and having Polish ices.

I got to take the shuttle and saw lots of Wildwood, home of do wop architecture. Sitting on the seat, wishing I had remembered my suntan lotion, we went to the end of the line in North Wildwood and retreated to the hotel bar at the Montego Bay. It had the coldest and most delicious beer I ever had. One of the group wanted to go indoors to see the waterpark. It was incredibly hot and humid at the waterpark. Reminded me of what a class B hotel in Miami would be like. Still it has a great bar.

The flush up toilet

When I was growing up I lived in a house with only one bathroom. In emergencies, I could always use the slop sink in the basement for no. 1 if not for no. 2. My father, when he was thinking of selling the house, decided to put a flush up toilet in the basement. Why did he wait so long? At any rate, because it was below the sewer line, the mechanism had to move the refuse up to the pipe. Home from graduate school and jobless, my father saw an opportunity for us to have a little home project. My father and myself sawed lumber and built a little enclosure. We even built a little exhaust fan. Then he ordered a flush up toilet from an ad he saw in the paper.

One day my mother got a call that the flush up toilet was ready. It was waiting at the Greyhound Station on Polifly Road. I was volunteered to pick up the thing. Sons are handy in that way.

After hours of work, the flush up toilet was installed in a cute little room. My mother did the decorating. Postcards from various family trips graced the walls.

One afternoon my father had some of his golf buddies over. I decided to smoke a j---t in the new bathroom I was just about to light it when my father started banging on the door. I managed to hide the j and chatted with the golfers about all the work I had done on the flush up toilet. We were all happy. Another minute and this story might have had a different ending.

Many young people are living at home now and I suppose similar stories can be told across this great land.

The air conditioning theory

I have a new theory on how globalization affects the United States. You can think of the world as a giant house in summer where the owner can only afford to air condition one room. The rest of the house is hot, humid, and full of mold except for the one room that has an air conditioner. The room with the air conditioner is the developed world. The United States, Canada, western Europe, Australia are relatively comfortable and (until recently) prosperous.
If you open the doors of that room you have the world economy under globalization. The outer reaches of the house get a slight increase in comfort. Most noticeable, however is the one room that had air conditioning. It's conditions deteriorate rapidly.

Dog shifts and automatics

Starting with the first car I ever bought, a 1979 Toyota Corolla and on through my two Ford Escorts, I have always had a manual transmission in my cars. I was a terrible shifter the first two months of the experience but in past years I have become quite good (methinks) at using the clutch. My friends and family have always disputed this fact and long held the belief that I was a terrible shifter. My parents hated when I shifted my car. My female friends have always closed their eyes when I reached for the dreaded gear shift.

Today, partly due to arthritis, I have faced the ravages of time and admitted that I am middle aged. I bought an automatic. I am now like everybody else. Driving is easier, I admit. Still I miss the manual transmission. Shifting is fun, dargon it.

Editor's note: 1999 Ford Escort, manual, in photo.

Batteries to the rescue

One of the nice features of summer in the listening range of WXPN Philadelphia is that for three days you can hear the live music festival from the waterfront park in Camden. You get to hear bands with names like Big Head Todd and the Monsters. Unlike the people hearing the show live you don't have to bake in 90 degree weather. I'll leave that pleasure to the young.

Saturday night, the Felice Brothers ended the evening. Minutes before they were scheduled to go on, my place was struck by a power failure. Being an old Boy Scout, you might think I had boxes of batteries and radios and flashlights but well, I wasn't that prepared. I fumbled around in the dark like most civilians. Finally, I remembered an old Radio Shack radio I had and good lord willing, it might have functioning batteries. It did.

It was a great live performance. Adding to it was the sense of adventure of listening to the band in the dark on a crummy radio.

Hamas bans smoking water pipes for women

This story struck my eye this morning. The theory is that women smoking water pipes in cafes leads to them divorcing their husbands. Which I can see. Many of the women I smoked water pipes with at college ended up becoming divorcees.

Leaving ala 2010

LeBron has created a new art form. The resignation video.

This new form will inevitably be repeated by normal people not in sports. Instead of a terse letter to a landlord or a boss or a wife, people will now issue videos.

Say you are vacating an apartment. Instead of a terse letter to a landlord, people will now make videos. It will start with a history of the life of the apartment, a moving in video, videos of the renter socializing with neighbors, sitting on the couch, followed by interviews of neighbors explaining what a great tenant he was. Then the video will conclude with a question and answer session. The tenant will speak of himself in the third person. He will speak of the many happy years he spent in the apartment and will then talk about seeking new opportunities, an easier commute, a roach free kitchen. Perhaps the tenant will speak of the desire to make toast and coffee in the morning at the same time without worrying about blowing a fuse.

Leaving a job will no longer mean a letter of resignation. Instead you will give your boss a documentary of your life as a trusted employee, ending with a question and answer session where you'll talk about how Joe Smith is seeking new opportunities and desires to spend more time with his cat.

A surprised wife will have to watch a forty five minute video complete with wedding pictures, the trip to Vegas and cuddling on the couch. Then the inevitable question and answer question where friends will shout out questions and the husband will give a tearful response and tell how he is moving on to other people and friends but will always have fond memories of his wife.