Television situation comedies

There was once an episode of the Simpson's where Lisa and Bart demanded of Maggie that she tell them who she loved the most. After a moment's thought, she ran and hugged the television set. Most of us baby boomers are most influenced not by our teachers and our families, but by television situation comedies. Here we learn what life is like, how people act, how to stay out of trouble, and what the world will be like when we grow up. For many of us life is a continuing series of disappointments when life turns out to be unlike situation comedies.

Here are a few examples where life is different from what we see on tv.

Work shows. In work related situation comedies, the normal staff is there every day. In real life, what with doctor's appointments, vacations, student conferences, meetings, etc. you never have more than 40% of a staff present at any one time.

In shows like How I met your Mother or Friends, the same group of people has a regular table at a bar in New York. In real life bars in Manhattan are very crowded and it's hard for anyone to get a table.

Graduate students and professors don't act like they do on the Big Bang Theory. And a cute neighbor like Penny would never hang out with them.

In television situation comedies, the principal moves into a new place and meets a neighbor. By the next episode they are fast friends. Most of us never get friendly with neighbors.

When people on television situation comedies go somewhere all the principals go together. In real life, some of the people always have dentist appointments, can't get away from work or have no money to go to the Hamptons with the gang.

Community college is a very transitory place and study groups change personnel constantly. No study group at a community college would have the same people for more than one semester. Plus no one ever mentions waiting for the student aid checks to come through, a constant at community college.

Lorelei Gilmore would never have been able to buy an inn without money from Dad.

Of course, television situation comedies give a hands on accurate portrayal of married life.

Deer camp

Twice today I've seen an ad on the Internet that celebrates deer camps. I've never been to deer camp but it is on my bucket list. A bunch of guys shooting at deer, playing cards and drinking beer. All in a cabin in the woods. The Yoopers, (named after the UP - Upper Peninsula of Michigan) an area rife with deer camps, have the classic song on the topic. Deer camps sound like fun. Sort of like Boy Scouts with beer and guns. Another thing I'd like to do is go to the world's longest flea market on Route 127.

Lindsay Lohan and Christine O'Donnell

Like most Americans, my day begins and ends with ruminations on Lindsay Lohan. What did she do today? Will she have to do hard time? What about her driving skills? What happens if she is imprisoned and we can't follow her adventures on a daily basis?

The answer is that she will be replaced in the national consciousness by Christine O'Donnell. For the next few months we as Americans will follow every thing said or done by dear Christine. From a liberal woman to a conservative women. My, men are so fickle.

The recession is over

According to the National Bureau of Economic Research, the recession is now over. Everybody's going to find jobs. No more layoffs. No more furloughs. Back to work everybody! Happy days are here again.

The liberal vs. Aunt Agnes

We all have Aunt Agneses. They are our mothers, our neighbors, our co-workers and in some cases, our Aunt Agneses. At this point in history she is dominating the American political landscape. She has the Democrats as scaird as a turkey in a football stadium on Thanksgiving.

The modern day liberal: All religions deserve tolerance and the Moslems have a right to do whatever they want in New York.

Aunt Agnes: They want to be close to the World Trade Center so they can plot another attack on Americans.

The modern day liberal: Immigrants built this country and illegal immigrants should be treated with compassion and their children deserve an education.

Aunt Agnes: They come over here to get welfare and free health care and the illegal ones should be shipped back from where they came.

The modern day liberal: The school teacher is at the forefront of creating a new generation of American citizens. They should be paid and rewarded for the important work they do.

Aunt Agnes: Schoolteachers, don't get me started. They work a nine month year, and God forbid they should stay in the classroom after three o'clock. The unions have ruined our schools.

Today all the politicians are afraid of dear Aunt Agnes. And she always made such good pies.

Blind man's bluff

I recently went on an expedition to beautiful upstate New York. I took the new car and the latest edition to my traveling ensemble, the GPS, which I affectionately named Jean. I had my route all mapped out in advance thanks to the more plebeian Yahoo maps. Half way up Route 81 Jean announced that I was making a turn onto a state highway. I couldn't figure out why. Being a natural follower instead of a leader, I did what I was told. I spent the next three hours jaunting around on state and county roads. I saw beautiful downtown Ithaca. I passed a farm maze. I passed an octagon house.

Eventually I did arrive at beautiful Canandaigua. Should I have been more assertive and not left the Interstate? Made Jean announce the dreaded word "recalculating"? Did Jean know something I didn't know? Am I sheep and not a man?

One thing I did learn is that, like blind man's bluff, you must either follow Jean like a robot or go your own way. If you suddenly make a decision midway to leave the chosen route you can go seriously out of your way.

Editor's note: I have posted a photograph of this year's balcony garden on my companion blog, Balcony Tomatoes.

Wildwood

In New Jersey people like to go to the shore during the summer. They love to sit in bumper to bumper traffic to go to their favorite shore resort. On a hot humid day in Wildwood you can really experience the Americana that the Jersey shore provides. Thousands of people lining the boardwalk, trying their luck at the pinball machines, eating pizza and having Polish ices.

I got to take the shuttle and saw lots of Wildwood, home of do wop architecture. Sitting on the seat, wishing I had remembered my suntan lotion, we went to the end of the line in North Wildwood and retreated to the hotel bar at the Montego Bay. It had the coldest and most delicious beer I ever had. One of the group wanted to go indoors to see the waterpark. It was incredibly hot and humid at the waterpark. Reminded me of what a class B hotel in Miami would be like. Still it has a great bar.