Fifteen good things about the crisis

Looking at the bright side, here are fifteen good things about the health crisis.

• Everyone will have something to talk about. Next Thanksgiving, we'll all talk about our experiences. 
• It's easier to save money.  Without bars, casinos, restaurants, trips to the city, and travel we can all save money.
• We can get a look at tv talk show hosts houses and see what celebrities look like in their pajamas.
• There's no traffic on the roads.
• We can watch news shows done in people's kitchens.
• We can practice our  cooking skills.  I am getting real good as slicing garlic.
• We now have something to do with the old teddy bears in our closet. 
• We don't have to talk sports with male relatives or co-workers. 
• We are learning the art of the corkscrew. 
• We can practice the guitar or go back to working on our novels. 
• We have an excuse for everything.
• We don't forget to watch our favorite tv shows. 
• We're going to feel wealthy with our $1200.
• Pollution is going down with less people driving.
• Gas prices are real low and we aren't filling up as much either. 
• We don't miss Facebook postings anymore. 
• We can watch our cute neighbors playing with their dogs. 
• Married people and parents get to spend quality time with each other. (No I'm not sharing my abode with a spouse or kids)

Of course for some, nurses, emergency responders, etc. it can mean more work, not just goofing off at home.

I went to the liquor store

Thank you Governor Murphy, I'm sure you will get re-elected because you kept the liquor stores open during Ovid 19. I drove to the liquor store today and happily went in. The clerks were dressed in haz mat costumes, or perhaps like the characters in space in Gravity. Bought my liquor.

At my condo kids were outside playing with their dogs. Apparently, a dog is the license that allows people to hang out in public places and cavort. As long as I have my Internet and my Netflix I will survive the crisis. With a little help from bottled alcohol.

Kitchen sink movies

Thanks to TCM, I've become a fan of kitchen sink movies. These British films of the 50s and 60s show a side of Britain few of us get to see. No royalty, Victorian ballrooms, costumes or gardens, these largely black and white films portray a gritty realism with industrial neighborhoods, working class flats, and inevitably a grimy looking kitchen sink makes its appearance somewhere. A Taste of Honey, Alfie and Look back in Anger  were hits in America but there were lots more made in this genre.

Rita Tushingham was one of the major actors of the era. Not exactly pretty, but with an interesting face, she is a fixture of many British films of the genre. Now that we all have extra time on our hands, searching out kitchen sink movies may prove to be a minor diversion in the coming weeks.

Editor's note: There are some freebies if you search "Kitchen Sink Movies" on Youtube.

How to deal with the toilet paper crisis

https://www.wivb.com/health/coronavirus/why-the-rush-on-toilet-paper-one-economist-believes-he-knows/

Not to gloat but I have four spare rolls of toilet paper and I'm keeping them. I bought them when they were on sale and they should take me to the Fourth of July or at least til Easter.

I just came back from South America, where, at least when I was there, there was no Coronavirus crises. They do have a chronic plumbing situation, though. For the most part you can't flush toilet paper but need to deposit it in a separate receptacle. Gross, but when in Rome....

Now for people who are left here in the USA with their pants down, here are some suggestions. You can cut up old pieces of cloth or sanitary wear that you no longer use. You can use paper towels. You can use newspapers. Just remember to keep them in a separate bag and throw them out as trash (when no one is looking). Of course an expensive but long term solution is to install a bidet.

Editor's note: I know people rely on this blog for critical updates to their life crises.

May we live in interesting times

Looks like we are making history again. It's so exciting. First, the British left the EU. Now the world is in a virus crisis. Americans can no longer visit Italy, Japan, or China. 

If we are to believe all the dire predictions,  we may all have to stay in our homes indefinitely and watch YouTube and Netflix. At least until the Internet dies. Parents will really get to know their children. Husbands will get to spend real quality time with their wives. We'll lose billions of dollars in the stock market and have to grow our own vegetables. 

Within a year most of us will be in our graves. At least that will be good for climate change. 

Still there is the contrarian vision. A few people will pass on, but no more than from the flu. The market will rebound. This will be a good buying opportunity. We'll get to go to work, the stores, and school as usual. It will all be a big scare, like Y2k. It might even turn out to be a great thing for the brave at heart. Airports won't be crowded and there will be lots of bargains. You'll be able to get a reservation at top Broadway shows and restaurants. Who knows? May we live in interesting times. 

Washing hands and men

Today I became aware of another sin that men are guilty of, that of inadequately washing our hands. I know that when I am in a train station I turn the faucet on and open my right hand to allow water to rain over it for two seconds and I'm done. Occasionally, if I have time, the left hand will also get the same treatment.

Apparently this is causing all sorts of afflictions, including that Chinese virus and other maladies. Women, at least according to the aforementioned article, spend five minutes washing their hands using a variety of soaps, perfumes and lotions to perform the task. This is why women are less likely to spread disease if more likely to pick up things.

Since I have retired I have noticed that I have been getting fewer colds. I attribute this to not having to ride elevators all day with co-workers suffering various levels of infections. I don't wash my hands any differently now but have more time to spend in the bathroom clipping my nails and mustache.

Editor's note: Coronavirus not "that Chinese virus"

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day 

For my entire childhood and on into early adulthood my father and I happily strolled through February with a smile on our faces, never having to think about what to give Mother for Valentine’s Day. My girlfriend, when I had one, might have gotten something but that was as far as it went. The thing that ruined it was that darn beauty parlor.

One February 14 Mother went to the beauty parlor and all the customers sat in their chairs bragging about all the things their husbands and their children were giving them for Valentine’s Day. One talked about the beautiful roses her son sent here from Florida. Another talked about the cruise her husband was taking her on for Valentine’s Day. The hairdresser was so pleased with the chocolates her son had given her that morning.

That night at dinner boy did we get it. “This one is getting a cruise. That one got an expensive watch. This one is going out to Le Freup a Tell in Manhattan. And what are you giving me?” My father looked surprised. He didn’t know he was supposed to give her something. He never had in the past and they all had been happy as clams at high tide.

He put his arms around her and said “All of my love”. That didn’t work. She looked at me.

I tried to rescue the situation. “But mother, Valentine’s Day isn’t for your mother! It’s for your girlfriend or your mistress!” That didn’t work either. From then, every year, we had to give her something for Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day. You’re just getting over the Christmas bills and along comes Valentine’s Day. And you have to give candy to your secretary and the ladies at work. More money coming out of the poor man’s pocket. Happy Valentine’s Day to all.

Editor's note: This oldie was originally published in 2007.