I am entering the 21st century

For the past few years I have been bucking the tide. I have been a hip baby boomer who doesn't have a smart phone. It has become my personal eccentricity. Like the friend who doesn't do emails (you have to call her) or the lady at work who doesn't have cable (You can't tell her about Better Things ) or the man at work who doesn't own a car (you have to avoid him around five o'clock or he may ask you to drive him home) it has become a personality quirk.

Looking at a list I wrote a few years ago, I have been grudgingly acquiring the mandatory things someone in my social class should own.  Yes I now have HDTV (the networks forced me into it by changing the size of the screen), a GPS for the car (great to have) and now I am going to have a smart phone with texting and other things. No longer will I disappoint people with the knowledge that they can't text me. Now when I sit at the bar I can be one of the many guys staring at their smart phones. I can even compare features and talk "smart phones" with the gang.

So far it has been a rocky road. I got a notice on my front door saying UPS was here but couldn't deliver the phone. I went on the Internet and said I'd pick it up at the UPS place near the Sculpture Garden. I arrived at the back entrance and the building was fenced off so I had to get back in my car and drive a mile to get to the customer entrance.

When I got home the phone wouldn't get past the set up phase. I brought the phone outside but had no more success. After chatting with two different customer reps, the second one determined I needed a Sims card (the directions said a Sims card was optional). She said I should go to the local wireless store. It is still snowing, so, prudence being the better part of valor, I'm waiting for the snow to stop.

One day I'll have a smart phone. I will again have the proper accoutrements for my demographic.

Next day: Setting up my smart phone. Turns out I had nothing wrong but a weak satellite connection. Bought a case. Yes I can make calls, get calls, and I might have even sent a message. Sadly I am in the 2G category and in 2017 I was supposed to have moved up to 4G to keep up with my demographic. I'm still behind.

Smart phone use

Half of all adults in the United States have smart phones or tablets. I am not one of them. I have fallen behind. I also don't have HDTV, text on my phone or have a flat screen TV. I used to keep lists of things that one needed in order to be a successful American. Here is a synopsis by year:
1970: A phone, a stereo, a car, a television set.
1980: Add a VCR, a microwave oven and a cassette player.
1990: Add a CD player and a computer.
2000: Add a DVD player, a notebook computer, a kayak, a cellphone and a house.
2010: Add  HDTV television and a GPS.
2012: Add a tablet and a smart phone. Scratch the cassette player.


Golly, you never catch up.

I don't have an Echo

Just looking at the things someone of my social status should own. Last year I got a smart phone. I now have the other accoutrements of having a smart phone. I can now text, catch up on Facebook and my email. I've also learned that the cutesy things like taking and sending pictures cost extra money. Next time I'll be the wiser when looking for a cell phone provider.

I was so happy to think that I was finally a middle class baby boomer. Except for cruise reservations, I had the basic things I was supposed to have. Until I started reading Slate and found out I was behind again. This year, I was supposed to buy (or get as a present), the Echo. I think the idea is that you'll have this sweet female voiced personal assistant who will buy you things and play your favorite songs. Apparently you can plug lights in (or for legacy appliances buy a plug that is part of the network).

I don't know. This one I'm going to really have to think about.

PBS Passport

 

Occasionally I talk about my favorite streaming services. Recently I have been watching a lot of Channel 13 Passport (other cities have their own channels in the title). In order to get access to Passport you have to have a membership in a public television station. The price may vary by city but Channel 13 New York charges $60 a year.

That amounts to five dollars a month, a lot cheaper than Hulu, Netflix or Paramount or something. And you actually get a lot of stuff.     

I am currently enjoying the Good Apprentice, an Italian import. A combination romantic comedy, doctor show, police procedural featuring a good looking cast. The scenes around the streets of Rome are also nice. There are a lot of European police procedurals with women detectives solving crimes. Some of my favorites are  Annika,  Frankie Drake, Lord and Master, the Nordic Murders and Luna and Sophie. Yes, there are sub-titles. In addition there is the gauntlet of shows that have been on PBS in recent years. 

One catch to the service is that, at least in my experience, you can't find it in your Smart TV listings or apps. What I do is send the show to my desktop or iPad. I then "cast media to device" and flip the show to the tv. It doesn't need a dedicated channel. It seems to find the show immediately, even when the tv is off. Google Chromecast is also involved.  

Editor's note: Many models of Smart TV's do have the app right on the tv. Unfortunately, my Vizio does not. I do have a Chrome key plugged into my HDMI port to do the casting process. 

Hillary

Well, us Democrats are starting to get close to the hour of decision. Will it be Hillary or the un-Hillary. We almost selected her last time then we went for exotic and got behind Barack Obama. Why not Hillary? One reason is that we know her too well. Most of us were first introduced to her when she made the remark that she had better things to do than sit around baking cookies. Then as a new first lady she threw a plate at dear Bill, not that he probably didn't deserve it.

We know her as the estranged wife, the feminist, the smart stock picker. The woman who went on a listening tour of New York. She went on to be a Senator, then a presidential candidate, then a Secretary of State. Her record isn't that bad but among men of a certain age, she doesn't pass the likability test. She reminds us of the sister-in-law who doesn't allow smoking in the house or the school teacher who keeps our sons from playing sports because she gives them C's instead of gentleman's B's.


There's also the question of which is the real Hillary. Is she the sincere but competent  person we see in her new book or is she the sarcastic boozer displayed in the New York Post favorite new title. The sarcastic boozer seems to be more fun than the dull narrator of her own book.


Oh what are we to do? Republicans like to nominate dull people, although Bob Dole and Mitt Romney never made it through a general election. Nixon did, but then that was the "New Nixon". He seemed so nice when he played the piano on the Jack Paar show.


The Republicans have some new faces. Christie and Ted Cruz come to mind. Rand Paul would shake things up. Democrats could live with them as opponents.

When we were in high school we didn't want the girls we knew from Kindergarten, we wanted the mysterious new girl who came in from out-of-state.  We don't usually buy the same model car. We want new.  I suspect this is because so many of today's problems are intractable that no normal person can solve them. Barack knows that by now. We want a wizard and one requirement of a wizard is they are new enough to us that they appear to have magical powers.  

The Democrats may well nominate Hillary. But if they are smart they will package her as the "New Hillary".  Dye the hair! Become a Seventh Day Adventist! Ditch Bill!  My political advice. 

These modern technologies

In days of old when knights were bold and HDMI weren't invented
You could plug the RCA plug into the tv and connect it to your amplifier and lousy tv speaker sound prevented...
I thought I would do that when I got my Samsung smart tv but I found out that was not possible. My amplifier, bought in the early aughts had no usb not to even think of HDMI jacks. It was analog, going back to a day when toilets apparently weren't invented.

Everybody said that's easy. You have to buy a digital sound bar. That's true, but I they're expensive! I guess I inherited my cheapness genes. The past year I learned to live with the flat sounding television speakers. For cable I could plug my RCA plugs into the cable box but for Netflix and Youtube I had to learn to live with the television speakers.

Last week I finally took a chance on what was called a digital to analog converter. It was about twenty bucks on the Internet. I was expecting a usb plug. Instead it came with weird plugs I later found out were HDMI plugs. After getting out my flashlight and magnifiying glass I located a previously unseen HDMI port on the back of the tv. I plugged everthing in. Surprisingly, after some tinkering, I got the thing to work. Now my old speakers can play my Netflix and You Tube feeds. Sound isn't bad. After 60 you can't hear higher frequencies anyway.

Editor's note: Sometimes I wonder if companies really want to improve our listening experiences or they just want to sell us more stuff.

That Ebola nurse who likes to ride a bicycle

Aunt Agnes wanted to do another debate as have many of my readers, so here she is debating the omniscient liberal on the topic of Ebola and nurses who like to ride bicycles.

My heart gives out for those people in Africa but we have to take care of ourselves first. Americans have no business going to Africa to solve other people's problems when we have enough problems at home. That nurse, she was working for a group called Doctors without Borders which is nothing but another name for Médecins Sans Frontières. Now that name is French and we all know the French mean no good for Americans. 

Okay she goes over there and then comes back probably full of that darn old 

Ebola and wants to be free as a bird back here. If there is one thing that governor 

of New Jersey did that was smart it was to send here up to Maine so she can 

spread disease up there. 

O.L: But dear Aunt Agnes, all developed nations have a responsibilty to work to 

wipe out that disease in Africa before it spreads to the developing world. 

Aunt Agnes: Well the best way to keep Ebola out of here is to keep our gates 

shut. Ebola, Obama, they even rhyme. We never had Ebola til we had that 

African as president. 

O.L.: And now that she is back in America she should be free to travel as she 

wants as long as she is healthy. 

Aunt Agnes: While she gets on that bicycle spreading the disease through New 

England near and far. 

O.L. : She should be applauded for her heroism.

Aung Agnes: Well a dignified lady keeps away from Africa and bicycles. 

Why we suffer for the misdeeds of others

 

I just got a letter from my homeowner's association. Apparently, they were fined by the state because too many households were unavailable for the safety inspection. Pro-rated to everybody, we each will have to pay $27 and change. It reminds me of the bills I used to get from Rutgers every summer for the damage done to my dorm by my classmates.

I did everything right. I was always available for inspections. I   changed my smoke detector to bring it up to code. I even opened my neighbor's door so his unit could be inspected. I was the model homeowner. 

Getting punished for what other people do is not a new occurrence. I remember in 4th grade the whole class had to copy three pages of a dictionary because one kid smart assed to the teacher.  I remember having to do jumping jacks all period at gym class because one kid did something, I don't remember what. Sometimes other people do something stupid and the rest of us have to suffer. 

Editor's note: This isn't the first time I've bitched about inspections. Once the US Dept of HUD inspected and failed my office in the library for being sloppy. It almost held up the grant for the handicapped elevator. 

Fact checking at parties

As the holiday season is coming to a close I have been thinking that most parties could use a fact checker. That is, a hired librarian or journalist who would circulate the party with a smart phone and verify the truth of what is said. I have to admit I have become somewhat skeptical about the facts that are presented in modern social situations and believe a professional fact checker could really do a service in circulating in a gathering and check the veracity of what is said.

Bill Grabonski announces that Windows 10 makes you buy a new printer!
The fact checker could tell Bill which existing printers do, in fact, work on Windows 10.
Janet Aldessio tells Rebecca Schwartzen that if she bottle feeds little Timmy, he will become allergic to peanut butter. The fact checker could give likely percentages according to the CDC.
Henry Gribaldi says that the Beatles were tough guys because they grew up Liverpool. The fact checker could tell him that actually three of the four went to fancy schmancy private high schools and it was Hamburg, not Liverpool where the boys learned about the seedier side of life.
Sid Blencher remarks that diesel engines always last longer than gas engines. The fact checker could swoop in on the conversation and verify his claim.

In addition to increasing the level of knowledge all around, a party fact checker would be a wonderful job for a retired librarian. To quote from Keith Richards, that's all I have.

Now they've gone too far

We've gotten used to television, video games, computers, i pods,  smart phones and even tablets. But now they've gone too far. Nobody over fifty is going to buy a Google glass. Millennials, yes, but not us baby boomers. They've gone too far. I'd feel silly walking around with those things. I feel silly with ear buds. Some of us have our dignity.

Smart ass reply

When I was in Boy Scouts at Camp No-Be-Bosco there was a "trading post" where among other things they had postcards you could send with pre written replies. The replies only had to be checked off. "Having a swell time", or "Learning to swim" or "I have poison sumac", or "Send money". For the lazy Scout they were very handy ways to communicate with Ma and Pa back home.

Yesterday I got an email from someone who was indisposed and subsequently was unable to attend a planned evening of debauchery. When I was writing my reply I noticed I had instant replies that I only had to check. The options were "so sorry to hear that, hope you are feeling better", "so sorry to hear your dog died", and  "Got it, the check is in the mail."

I feel like I'm back at summer camp. I'd like to add some additional pre written replies. "Yeah, right", or perhaps "Give me a break", or "So's your uncle". At least then I would feel like I was back at college.

Editor's note: Above is a camp trading post. A little bit larger than the one at olde No-be.