How America ruined England

I've been happily advancing through season 3 of the Crown. Like most Americans, I find the trials of tribulations of Britain to be entertaining and satisfying, perhaps even more than our tawdry history here in the colonies. Sadly if unintentionally, many of the problems that appear in the Crown can be traced to America. Episode after episode shows how the glory that was Britannia has been laid low by the influence of those ruffians across the Atlantic.

Wallis Simpson, an American, is the first person to try to take the Royals away from their mission by stealing their future king. Then the Americans had to come in and win the war against the Nazi's, much to olde Winston's chagrin. Then, hat in hand, they had to beg America for money and used dear Lady Margaret to lure it out of the hands of that awful American president from Texas.

Prince Philip gave an embarrassing interview on the American TV show, Meet the Press, and caused much consternation at Buckingham Palace. Harold Wilson happily is shown destroying the small town commerce of Britain by opening an American style supermarket.

Today, beyond the scope of the Crown, the indignities continue. We have an American TV star married to a prince. We have dear Prince Andrew brought down by an American businessman and purveyor of underage delicacies. If only the Americans had kept their rock and roll, Walmarts, and other corrupting  influences on their side of the Atlantic, Britain would be much happier than it is today.

William and Kate

Like most Americans, I'm fascinated by the British Royal Family. Meeting a friend in Britain I asked her about the Royal Family and she said, "Oh that's something we do to attract American tourists. Here we don't really follow the queen and all that rot". Americans every year put millions into the coffers of our British friends visiting sights involving the House of Windsor or Stuart.

And it's true, on trips to England I've seen Buckingham Palace and the Tower of London, where Mary Queen of Scott got hanged. The tour of the Tower of London was a high point of my trip that year, where a witty Beefeater led a tour and we got to see where Mary Queen of Scotts got her all.

In America, when you enter a city you might see a sign with the population of the place and, out west, the elevation of the town. In Britain you are likely to see a sign that says, "Here Lord Souchmouch was hanged in 1566". Britain is full of morbid history. Royals got that way with shootings and hangings, not by photo shoots in People Magazine.

And so we are being inundated this week with the upcoming wedding. It's a shame William and Kate are so dull. Harry would have made a more exciting groom. Only the most dedicated Royal watchers will not get bored this week with the fuldorol surrounding the Royal wedding. For a week we will take our eyes off of the economy and Qaddafi and be glued to the tube while buying overpriced tea cups to celebrate the event. I have an egg cup from George's coronation of 1937. I'm waiting for it go go up in value.

the Royals

The past two weeks every time I've channel surfed I keep landing on the Royals.
There it is, seemingly in continuous rotation on the E! channel. What  a great show! It's an accurate and realistic portrayal of the way most of us see not only the Royal Family of England as well as the private lives of rich celebrities worldwide. I especially like the Jack Daniels from the bottles sweetie, Ophelia. Thanks to this show, I have gained many useful insights into life at Buckingham Palace. Croquet anyone?

Pippa Middleton

Looks like the George Zimmerman case is going to be pushed off the front pages. As will gas prices, North Korea and the upcoming presidential election. For the rest of this year, we are going to obsess over the Pippa Middleton affair. American's love their royals, and their royal scandals even more.  A lurid trial in Paris. Pippa Middleton in shackles on her way to a French prison. Perhaps they'll allow her boyfriend to join the French Foreign Legion. He seems to know his way around firearms. It was only a year ago American was introduced to the Middletons. And now it's come to this. 

Editor's note: I was wrong. Someone put the kibosh on this story. Just shenanigans among fun loving young people.