Hospital hotels

 

After a recent day as an outpatient, I have been inspired to propose a new type of hotel. A hospital hotel. This hotel would provide no health services but would try to duplicate the experience of a hospital stay. So many people coming home from the hospital say they would like to experience their hospital stay again, but without having to get sick. These hotels would try to duplicate this exciting and comforting experience.

The experience would enfold at check in. The "patient" would have to answer a long list of questions, including their favorite sports as a child. The "patient" would then have to show a copy of the deed to his house, in case he might have to quit claim his home to the hospital for unpaid expenses. Then he would be put in a wheelchair while an orderly would bring him on a madcap ride through the metes and bounds of the hospital until he was brought to his temporary lodgings, Now he would attempt to put on a hospital gown. I think I put mine on backwards. 

In his hospital bed he would then be handed a remote control where he could watch television commercials. Eventually he would be given a menu for lunch. 

With his arm attached to a blood pressure machine that takes his bp at random times throughout his stay, and his finger attached to a do hicky that does something unkown the "patient" is immobilized. If he wants to go the bathroom he has to push a button to summon a nurse. 

After a long wait the staff comes back and prepares him for a procedure. Now the bed is rushed through the corridors at lightning speed where he is brought to another room where he is deposited and has to wait several hours until the procedure. Since this is a hotel instead of a hospital, the procedure is a lie down akido exercise.

After the procedure   the "patient" and his bed is raced through the corridors and returned to his room where lunch is waiting for him. Cold soup and a turkey sandwich are consumed. At dismissal the patient would again enter a wheel chair where he would be rushed at lightning speed, hopefully to a waiting car. Hospital hotels would be a swell way to duplicate the pleasures and comforts of a hospital stay.