Good morning Henry

 

So how do I get up in the morning. I have coffee and then I go to Facebook and I watch a lady call for Henry, the donkey. A sweet voice cries out "Good morning Henry" and I watch a rather demanding donkey run down from the barn where the sweet lady puts donkey food in his bowl. Henry brays, shows his teeth, then gets down to chowing down.  I think the site is Boggs farm. I have no idea how I got on the list, but now I have trouble getting up in the morning without dear Henry. 

There is in the Internet hinterland another lady who drives a bus which provides doggie day care. Apparently she stops the bus and a large group of dogs run to the bus and board, each dog having an assigned seat. The latest video from this series k9bus convoy. Just as the instant oat meal is cooking in the microwave I watch dogs board the bus and get snacks from the hostess, The doggie hostess knows the name of every dog as well as their eccentricities. 

Since I'm recommending time killers, two travel (Steve Marsh) videos I like involve travel in and around Scotland (Ruth Aisling). Sometimes as a treat Mr. Marsh brings along his lady friend. I suspect she has a real job in addition to YouTube. If you like cheeky political commentary, I recommend the Bulwark. 

Dial a Demonstration

Back in the late sixties and early seventies, if you lived in the New York area, you could wake up in the morning and decide which demonstration you wanted to attend on that day. You could help the environment, fight the war, support women's rights or other topics simply by picking up your phone and calling Dial a Demonstration. Then you would get information on upcoming demonstrations in the area. I guess today's equivalent is finding your local chapter of Indivisible, possibly on Facebook. 

Editor's note: I could not find any links to Dial a Demonstration, with the exception of an earlier Mustache blog, on Google. Such a mainstay of life of that era appears to have been forgotten. 

 

My home town nostalgia

 

I, like many people, belong to a "my hometown" type Facebook group. It is a fun way to look at old photographs from my hometown as well as keeping tabs on the latest deaths in my age group. One thing I have noticed is that things get better in the fog of past remembrances. 

Corner stores with grouchy owners and overpriced items become the shrines to a neighborhood and a friend of all the kids who came by. We remember the ice cream sundaes but forget getting kicked out because we dallied too long in front of the Playboys. 

Intolerably long days in schools with teachers we hated become those fond days where we learned so much and gained a respect for history that we never lost. Tedious afternoons in Spanish class become temples where we learned a language that we were so happy to have when haggling over blankets in Guadalajara. 

I'm sorry but that old diner that everybody was lamenting went out of business when us baby boomers discovered MacDonald's. Fat Mikes went out of favor when they lowered the drinking age and we could go to bars. Downtown died when the malls opened. And now we are nostalgic about those haunts of yesteryear. 

Entering the Apple universe

 

Like many of us, mid December I started getting packages from Amazon. Some of them I opened, but one or two had warnings of "Do not open before Christmas". These I opened on the 23rd of December, close enough. 

I got the usual run of shirts, pajamas, toilet bowl lighters, and wool balls to make my laundry static free. Then I opened a large box. Ho! I got an Apple I pad!

Thus, jarringly, I was setting foot in a universe I have not explored since I had to maintain Macintoshes in the children's library in the 90s. I was entering a new world. A world, perhaps no stranger than the world of Linux, but a new world nonetheless. 

First I was told that my wireless connection had "weak security". Apparently I was supposed to have a wpa3 connection instead of the cable connection I had. However, after a few trials I was able to get online and even signed up for a free year of Apple TV. 

Using an I Pad is sort of like being in Singapore. Things run very efficiently but the rules are different in ways that may not be apparent. You can not just log onto the Internet. You need an app to run Google. You need a special app to run Facebook. You need an app to run YouTube. I did have a Face time conversation with my nephew in Texas. He now has a beard. 

I was waiting for the demand for payment to kick in. So far I have satisfied them that I have a PayPal account and have yet to buy anything. I am not cheap but once, when visiting Japan, I commented that the prices in Tokyo were not too bad. My host commented, "Sure, but you never buy anything!"

Returning to normal

It looks like things may be starting to get back to normal soon. It will be a readjustment for many of us. The once a week shower will have to be replaced with at the very least a thrice weekly event. We will be able to eat in restaurants, albeit in limited circumstances, ie dining in the parking lot of our favorite place. People we have been able to avoid because of covid19 will want to see us again. Volunteer commitments will have to be re evaluated. 

I drove to Delaware to get a taste of the new normal. I went to the  Christiana mall off Route 95 and walked around, bought a book, and even ate a burrito in the food court. It was a thrill. 

The biggest decision for most men will be what to do about the beard. Millions of men throughout the world have answered that timeless question "I wonder what I would look like with a beard?" with the shaveless option. Of course when no one will see you except your doctor and the liquor store clerk it is easier to sport a goatee than when you have to visit friends and relatives who know you and will have opinions on the topic. I have taken a poll to see what my Facebook friends think. It would be easier to have a wife who would make an non negotiable decision. 

Fifteen good things about the crisis

Looking at the bright side, here are fifteen good things about the health crisis.

• Everyone will have something to talk about. Next Thanksgiving, we'll all talk about our experiences. 
• It's easier to save money.  Without bars, casinos, restaurants, trips to the city, and travel we can all save money.
• We can get a look at tv talk show hosts houses and see what celebrities look like in their pajamas.
• There's no traffic on the roads.
• We can watch news shows done in people's kitchens.
• We can practice our  cooking skills.  I am getting real good as slicing garlic.
• We now have something to do with the old teddy bears in our closet. 
• We don't have to talk sports with male relatives or co-workers. 
• We are learning the art of the corkscrew. 
• We can practice the guitar or go back to working on our novels. 
• We have an excuse for everything.
• We don't forget to watch our favorite tv shows. 
• We're going to feel wealthy with our $1200.
• Pollution is going down with less people driving.
• Gas prices are real low and we aren't filling up as much either. 
• We don't miss Facebook postings anymore. 
• We can watch our cute neighbors playing with their dogs. 
• Married people and parents get to spend quality time with each other. (No I'm not sharing my abode with a spouse or kids)

Of course for some, nurses, emergency responders, etc. it can mean more work, not just goofing off at home.

Cell phones have replaced cigarettes

Back in the day, idle moments at the bar, when you didn't care for the hockey game on the television, could be filled by lighting up a cigarette. Awkward moments, waiting for the train, waiting to be called by the doctor, on long elevator rides, were filled by smoking.

Today you can't smoke at any of these places. Luckily, the cell phone has come along. It occupies your hands, let's you avoid staring into space or at the other idlers, and makes it looks like you have a life.

"See, that man must be texting his girlfriend" people will think.

"He must have important business to attend to at work. Perhaps that is his agent who wants revisions on his novel", people will think.

Little do they know that you have no new mail, and are looking at a cat video on Facebook. Modern times.

Facebook and the grim reaper

I guess it has happened to all of us. We wish someone a happy birthday on Facebook then get a message from someone else saying such and such died. We go to our high school reunion site and find out our biology professor died. 

Yesterday I went onto Facebook and saw someone had created a celestial tribute to somebody. She had a whole website with pictures and anecdotes. Apparently she died. 

In some ways it's good. Instead of wondering "what ever happened to... " an old classmate we get a cleaned up version of their lives. Their cute wives, their cute kids, their expensive vacations and at the end of life their passing from this earth. 

My mother said when she got older her main social life consisted of going to wakes and funerals. She said she had become selective about who would and wouldn't get to see her in a black dress. It became hard to go to two funerals in a month when the dress may still be in the cleaners from the last funeral.

Now we can sit at home and mourn the dead on Facebook. It does save on dry cleaning bills. 

I don't have an Echo

Just looking at the things someone of my social status should own. Last year I got a smart phone. I now have the other accoutrements of having a smart phone. I can now text, catch up on Facebook and my email. I've also learned that the cutesy things like taking and sending pictures cost extra money. Next time I'll be the wiser when looking for a cell phone provider.

I was so happy to think that I was finally a middle class baby boomer. Except for cruise reservations, I had the basic things I was supposed to have. Until I started reading Slate and found out I was behind again. This year, I was supposed to buy (or get as a present), the Echo. I think the idea is that you'll have this sweet female voiced personal assistant who will buy you things and play your favorite songs. Apparently you can plug lights in (or for legacy appliances buy a plug that is part of the network).

I don't know. This one I'm going to really have to think about.

Mother's day sentimentality

I am not going to denigrate Mother's Day. When it's convenient it can be fun. You buy her a present and in return you get to eat a good meal and drink a couple of Dad's or your siblings beers. Mothers deserve a day. Mothering children can be a thankless task.

 It being a cold and rainy day I've been spending time on Facebook and reading all the things people say about their Moms. It's led me to a theory that Mother's qualities increase exponentially with the years.

When you are young you have a different view of dear Mother. The college student is in the basement with a few pals, smoking a joint and drinking Pop's beer. The last voice he wants to hear is Mother's yelling down from the kitchen.
"You know, we are going to early mass tomorrow. Don't be too late getting to bed!"

Then you get older and can't wait to get away from the house. You are in your own pad and the phone rings. Maybe it's that lady you spoke to at the party. No, it's your mother. You try to be polite but get rid of her as soon as possible.

Then she gets sick and you argue with your brother about whose turn it is to take her to the doctor. "I would love to take her but we have an important meeting at work on Tuesday."

After your mother passes away she is rehabilitated in your minds. Her goodness expands while those moments when you argued with her or was mad at her go away. After a decade or two she becomes the saint who always was your guide to life and who you miss so much. That is when we see all the goop that people are putting on Facebook this weekend. Putting sentimental pictures up on Facebook is a nice way to spend an hour while your clothes are drying. Oh I wish Mom was still alive. I hate doing laundry.

Better the devil you know

Just finished listening to Fred Kaplan on the Brian Lehrer show.  The theme could be called "better the devil you know". I've been hearing this all over the media recently, including from Bernie Sanders. Americans thought the Arab spring was going to result in liberal intellectuals, westward leaning, running the Middle East. Like the Russian and French revolutions, the beneficiary was going to be the common man, freed from his chains, with Facebook and Al Jazeera as their guides. Like the Russian and French revolutions, the end result was worse than what most people had to begin with. 

One of the lessons of age is that change can be a fickle thing. The new neighbor may have five dogs, three kids and fight with her husband. The new library director may even be worse than the spineless library director you have now.

Americans are starting to learn their lesson. Sometimes what you want is a strongman. Or as Truman said, "He may be a son of a bi--h but he's our son of a bi--h". So much for America standing strong bringing the world to liberty and egalite. Happy Christmas to you too.

Family gossip

Q

When our mothers leave us they leave with a trove of family stories and gossip.  They also make it hard to follow the trials and tribulations of one's extended family. While your mother is alive and able to use the telephone, male relatives are able to keep up with things through their mothers.

• Your cousin is getting a divorce. Your cousin tells his mother. His mother tells your mother and she tells you. 
• Your cousin got a DWI. Your cousin tells his mother. His mother tells your mother and she tells you.
• Your niece dropped out of Bucknell. She tells her mother. Your sister-in law tells your mother and she tells you. 
• Your cousin lost his job. He had to borrow money from your uncle. Your uncle told your aunt, she told your mother and your mother told you. 

One good thing about family gossip is that it often shows your parents how lucky they are to have you rather than the flotsam and jetsam of the extended family. However it is hard to keep up on things when mother passes away. Of course there's always Facebook. Unfortunately, Facebook posts tend to dwell on accomplishments, cute pictures of the kids and vacations. A keen eye may note a missing husband from vacation pictures, but mothers are a better source of what your cousins were really up to.

An interesting question

Two weeks ago I was coming down with a bad cold (or perhaps a weak flu) and I passed it along to someone I know. She got sick. The next day I emailed her sister and then she got a cold. My question is, if you communicate with someone online can you give them a cold? Can Facebook transmit viruses? Skype?

I have always been of the opinion that the best way to get rid of a cold is to pass it to someone else. And today, I feel swell.

Should I buy Facebook

Many of us remember when we had a chance to buy Google stock at it's IPO of $85 (now it's in the 600's) and think,"I am not going to miss out on another opportunity" and are tempted to buy Facebook. It's true, lots of people use Facebook but I for one think it has peeked in popularity and that it will be replaced by a new social networking site in a few years. The reason for this is the hipness factor.

When Atlantic City first got gambling, young hip type people were drawn to it (see above photo) then over time Atlantic City looked more like the other photograph. Facebook started out like the above photo but today  is becoming more like the other photo. Most people don't want to hang out with their grandmothers. Hence, there will soon be a new social networking site that attracts the young, hip set. This site will eventually attract the more desirable demographic and Facebook will look like the Taj Mahal on a Wednesday morning. Yes, we will see use Facebook to share our new boat with our aunts, but the attractive co-worker at work will be at a different on-line location. There probably already is a hip Facebook out there but I don't know about it. If you know what it is please share.

Facebook

I've had Facebook for over a year now. I got an invitation from someone who wanted me to look at a movie she put up. The movie was good and it introduced me to Facebook. The best part of Facebook is in discovering people you used to know but lost track of. It's fascinating to see what people you knew from elementary school or the street where you grow up look like and what they ended up doing. The weird thing about Facebook is that once you friend someone, you get to follow them and their families as they go on vacation or to the zoo and soon the novelty wears off.

Facebook groups can be fun too, in a way. I am in the group for my high school class. They apparently have a core group that has mini reunions in a bar. Thanks to Facebook I now know about these events. The big local band in high school, Filet of Soul, is performing again. It's just like being in high school again. Isn't it wonderful

Time wasters

The Internet is one of the world's greatest time wasters. It is better than television ever was in making potentially productive time unproductive and wasteful. Slate is a good way to kill an hour or two. The news, Dear Prudence, and the pod casts are entertaining and waste a lot of my time. I must admit I never miss reading Dear Prudence's insightful advice.

As trite as it is, I find myself wasting hours a week on Yahoo shine and omg. I am on Yahoo and suddenly I see "the world's best ice cream in Texas" and I'm reading about Peco Joe's cafe in Lufkin and ice cream I will never eat. I love to read movie reviews of films I will never see. Taking a virtual tour through the Hilton in Zimbabwe was a pleasant waste of an hour a few months back.

Facebook is a marvelous way to burn hours upon hours of valuable time. You can play the Farm or join an old girlfriend for a game of scrabble. Catching up with old faces from high school. It is fascinating to know one of the dunces of the class in the eighth grade owns a successful real estate company and has a summer place in Spain and has six cute children from three former marriages. I've decided the biggest time killer in Facebook is looking at pictures of your friend's trips. No wonder they block Facebook at work.

I've discovered Facebook

After a little coaxing, I've joined Facebook. So far it has been interesting. I am now "friends" with people I haven't thought about in decades. I've seen pictures of the neighborhood kids I grew up with. As tykes and as granparents. It's sort of like a high school reunion. You get to see who got married. What kinds of jobs people ended up with. What people's kids look like.


So far no great surprises. Everyone is successful it seems. Still, like high school reunions, the people who ended up in jail or in the French Foreign Legion are less likely to turn up on Facebook.

So far no one has turned up from my past and asked to borrow money. Of course I have only been on for two weeks.

Facebook is also fun in that you can put up movies and links to neat stuff. Your favorite tv shows and bands also have Facebook pages. I'm waiting for someone to tell me I missed out on the golden age. There are always people on anything who remember when it was better than it is now. Like when you had to understand Unix to go on the Internet.

Web 2.0

When people talk about Web 2.0, one of the things they talk about is IM ing and social networks like Facebook, My Space, and Twitter. One service I have used is ICQ (I seek you). Lesser known in the US, it is extremely popular internationally and allows one to communicate in real time with people you don't know from Adam. Originally a text only service, it now allows for web cam and microphone to speaker contact.



ICQ is designed for strangers to meet, not just people who know each other. You can search for people by age, sex, keywords in a profile such as "classical music" or "cock fighting". This allows one to presumably find people with common interests. I have talked over the years with people in England, Thailand, China, Canada and even the United States. Recently I talked to someone from Siberia. She claimed to be able to see bears outside her window.



The webcam aspect brings a level of reality to the proceedings. You can see the plant behind the person or the wall that needs painting. Once when using the webcam I saw the daughter whining in the background. A stern command in Mandarin sent the youngster scampering off. Webcamming has made me put a clean shirt on and trousers, while previously I had ICQed in my underwear.



The ability to talk to people from different backgrounds and wildly different environments is one of the fulfilled promises of the Internet. It, like anything else, has its pitfalls. Ladies wanting to show you pictures of them in their girdles occasionally pop up. I'm old enough to remember when ladies wore girdles.