You gotta have a fall guy

In the Maltese Falcon, Humphrey Bogart proposes a fall guy. In order to give the police something to keep them out of their way. The truth is that in most things, you need a fall guy. The guy who takes the blame.

A bunch of kids are rough housing just as the teacher walks in. One kid, not even the worst offender, gets caught climbing a chair. He gets punished while the rest of the gang look on like the boys choir in a Bing Crosby movie. You need a fall guy.

Same as with health care. With Obamacare the rich, and the successful small businessman took the fall. They had to pay the extra taxes and fines. Now the Republicans are writing a plan and all the taxes and most of the fines are gone. The problem is there's no fall guy. That's why it doesn't make fiscal sense. If there is any fall guy, it's the poor. The poor are getting rambunctious though. They are tired of being the fall guy and could make it difficult in the next Congressional elections.

The question is who should be the fall guy. The insurance companies? The doctors?  The hospitals? The old? No, the old will vote you out of office. The young? Yes, let's hang it on the young. Let young people take the fall. They talk big but they don't vote.

When I was in high school there was another kid in my English class who applied to Rutgers. We both had pretty much the same grades, but we couldn't both go to the same school. College admissions wouldn't allow two guys from the same school on campus. He had to take the fall. In politics, as in life, you need a fall guy. In the Maltese Falcon it had to be Elisha Cook or Peter Lorre. Somebody has to take the fall.

A day without women

I woke up late this morning, expecting an easy ride to work. With all the women taking off, I figured the highways would be empty and the parking lots would just have a few SUV's for the few brave male souls at work. I was wrong. It was just a normal day, everybody seemed to be in as usual. Oh well. The media made a big deal of the day anyway.

WXPN radio celebrated the day with an all woman's playlist. The Internet had lots of articles on the day including an article about how women do a lot of unpaid work in this country. Somehow, I feel left out of enjoying all this unpaid labor. Mother in the cemetary and no wife on the horizon I have to cook, clean, shop, launder, etc. all by my lonesome.

Sometimes I get wistful and imagine married life. I come home and am greeted by the smells of a hot manicotti in the oven. The bathroom is pristine clean. My laundry is divided into whites, colors, and my shirts have been ironed. Unlike the rug in my living room, the rug is freshly vacuumed and a  smell of pot-pourri fills the air. Fresh daisies greet me in the living room. The kids are back from soccer practice and the wife parks the car and kisses me hello.

Like  William Powell in Life with Father I inspect the kids ears at the dinner table, then take a look at the stock page in the paper. Married life isn't so bad. As I take off my shoes and watch the basketball game I can hear my wife running the dishwasher in the kitchen. After that she will fluff up the pillows in the bedroom and check on the lad's homework. Is this the way most married men live? Perhaps but I am doubtful, just a bit.

Comfy theater seats

The movie theatre near me has remodeled. It has gotten rid of the old style theatre seats and put in those new comfy theatre seats. Sort of like sitting in the reclining chair in Grandma's house, the seat you could never sit in when Grandpa was alive.

I guess it's an attempt to woo back the baby boomers with our herniated disks and arthritis. Yes they are comfy. They also have reserved seats which you have to pick out in advance. Next time I'll get closer to the screen.

I read that some theatres have "love seats" where couples can sit in small sofas without the dividers. Cute. still I feel a little guilty. I thought uncomfortable seats made you concentrate on the movie more.

Office baby showers

I'm within two years of retiring now and I'm starting to think about what I will miss about work. I won't miss the commutes. Being late in the morning and rushing to put my socks on and one of them tears. I won't miss talking to the public on the phone. What will I miss?

After some ruminating I have decided that the thing I will miss the most is that one thing I would never get to take part in  if I didn't have a job. That is, being invited to a baby shower. Work is one of those places where men, especially men with cash in their wallets, get invited to baby showers.

It is a great treat and I am looking forward to watching the new mother open all those presents. I'll ask if it will be a boy or a girl. Someone else will ask if they hope on having a Cesarean. I've seen enough movies that I know what that is.

Usually there is a wedding shower, followed a year or so later with a baby shower. The director makes a speech at both events. The second baby is celebrated by the inner circle only. Female employees get one shower for the wedding and one shower for the first born. We don't want to go overboard on these things.

It's happened more than once in my long and estimable career that there has been a baby shower without there being a wedding shower, or even a wedding that I am aware of. Oh well, better not to dwell on such things.

The end of the American century

One hundred years ago the United States, under the leadership of Woodrow Wilson, entered World War I.  For one hundred years, American was the leader of the free world with all the responsibility that entails. Today the American century has ended. For better or worse, we are now an independent country, responsible for our own needs and nobody elses. 

Like a mother who cuts her daughter loose financially, or the man who buys a motorcycle and ends his membership in the car pool, we are now a world unto ourselves. Influenced only by our new leader, Russia, we, like Bulgaria, are now a minor world power. 

There are nice things about our new status. We can now be selfish and concentrate on ourselves and our own needs. "Sorry, I can't coach Little League this year, don't you know Trump is president now?"

"Sorry, this year we are taking a family vacation and leaving Aunt Louise to fend for herself in the nursing home."

I suspect we have not seen the end of those pink hats. At least I won't have to wear one. There are advantages in being a man. 

The replacement for Obamacare

Looks like they are going to repeal Obamacare. Replacing it will be difficult, since Obamacare attempts to be self-funding, and has lots of revenue raisers like fines and taxes. Republicans will have a hard time replacing the program because of their hatred of taxes. Luckily, I have come up with a replacement for Obamacare.

When you go to a doctor you normally fill in your insurance information. If you don't have any health insurance you would simply fill out a form to provide funding for health procedures. It would ask what church or synagogue you belong to and what fundraising apparatus you would like to be used for your care. For example you could pick "car washes" or "pancake breakfasts", "bingo", or "spaghetti dinners". These functions could be held every week and thus provide health care for those parishioners without health insurance.

It would add so much to our lives, filled with fundraising activities. Our taxes would go down and we would be busy bees.
"Where are you going, Jack?"
"I'm going to buy tomato sauce for my nephew's spaghetti dinner. He needs a hernia operation."

I am entering the 21st century

For the past few years I have been bucking the tide. I have been a hip baby boomer who doesn't have a smart phone. It has become my personal eccentricity. Like the friend who doesn't do emails (you have to call her) or the lady at work who doesn't have cable (You can't tell her about Better Things ) or the man at work who doesn't own a car (you have to avoid him around five o'clock or he may ask you to drive him home) it has become a personality quirk.

Looking at a list I wrote a few years ago, I have been grudgingly acquiring the mandatory things someone in my social class should own.  Yes I now have HDTV (the networks forced me into it by changing the size of the screen), a GPS for the car (great to have) and now I am going to have a smart phone with texting and other things. No longer will I disappoint people with the knowledge that they can't text me. Now when I sit at the bar I can be one of the many guys staring at their smart phones. I can even compare features and talk "smart phones" with the gang.

So far it has been a rocky road. I got a notice on my front door saying UPS was here but couldn't deliver the phone. I went on the Internet and said I'd pick it up at the UPS place near the Sculpture Garden. I arrived at the back entrance and the building was fenced off so I had to get back in my car and drive a mile to get to the customer entrance.

When I got home the phone wouldn't get past the set up phase. I brought the phone outside but had no more success. After chatting with two different customer reps, the second one determined I needed a Sims card (the directions said a Sims card was optional). She said I should go to the local wireless store. It is still snowing, so, prudence being the better part of valor, I'm waiting for the snow to stop.

One day I'll have a smart phone. I will again have the proper accoutrements for my demographic.

Next day: Setting up my smart phone. Turns out I had nothing wrong but a weak satellite connection. Bought a case. Yes I can make calls, get calls, and I might have even sent a message. Sadly I am in the 2G category and in 2017 I was supposed to have moved up to 4G to keep up with my demographic. I'm still behind.